Confronting Fear

Weakness

'Cause I don't really like myself without you
Every song I sing is still about you
Save me from myself the way you used to
'Cause I don't really like myself without you
I really wish I hated you right now

I Really Wish I Hated You - Blink 182

Rey's head felt heavy as she tried to lift it off the pillow. Despite the nightmare's absence, she'd still barely slept, the night's interactions with Poe and Kylo weighing heavy in her mind. She somehow managed to haul herself to the fresher for a shower but it did little to revive her.

She settled back against the wall of the bunk with a cup of caf, a holo pad and a book. She was too tired to be able to read so she resumed her project of scanning the pages of the texts to create a digital copy. The pages were fragile and she wanted to be able to protect them. Even this small effort proved to be too much, all she wanted to do was sleep. Maybe I should she thought. Her energy wasn't coming back, at all. If anything she felt worse. Ever since making her saber it felt like something had continued to suck her essence out of her.

She had considered that Kylo had something to do with it, but even to her it sounded wrong. If he did have anything to do with it, it was more likely caused by the dyad bond itself rather than something he was intentionally doing. He had actually sounded concerned at her current state, which she found both vexing and soothing.

Whatever it was, it needed to end. She needed to get back into form, it wouldn't be long before he'd be through her mind blocks and all hell would break loose.

It didn't help that she was humiliated from her accidental admission the night before. To some it might not be significant, but for her it was far too intimate a piece of knowledge for him to know, not when she had to spend her every waking moment keeping him out of her mind.

Despite her best attempts to ignore and forget it, the moment he had held her and kissed her after he had revealed that'd he met with Palpatine kept popping into her head, bringing with it a fluttering feeling in her belly and a shiver down her spine. She had wondered how far it might have went had she not thought of Poe. What truly scared her was how far she had wanted it to go and that a part of her still did. The string between them, though pulled taught by distance both physical and mental, kept reminding her that they would always be linked and a part of her would always want him, that no matter what he did she could never truly hate him, because to do so would be to hate herself. She was disgusted by his actions, but she didn't hate him.

She slid down into the linen sheets, resting against the thin mattress. A nap couldn't hurt.

*

The TIE Silencer tore out of hyperspace with a screech, a blue and white moon replacing the blue and white glow of space.

Kef Bir.

Having been no closer to solving the riddle of the dagger and the holocron, Kylo had decided to take another look at the wreckage of the Death Star 2. He had been distracted by Rey and then badly injured the first time. Rey had said there was nothing else, but he wanted to look with his own eyes.

His fists balled and his jaw clenched while thoughts of Rey snaked through his brain for the hundredth time today. Last night had been disaster in every sense of the word, starting with Komi and ending with Rey. Well, maybe not a total disaster. He'd gotten some interesting information out of Rey and a good look at her legs.

Her accidental revelation of her innocence was intriguing. He'd had a feeling she was inexperienced, but not that inexperienced. Especially not with Poe Dameron following her around with infatuation written on his face.

He was also concerned about Rey. While her exhaustion was certainly good for his self interests, something wasn't right about it.

How did she always manage to do this? She'd betrayed him, maimed him, taunted him, and denied him. Just hours ago he had been prepared to do awful things to obtain her, but now, he couldn't even be angry.