Alexithymia

*The Truth*

Monique's POV

I gave up...

Maybe I should forget about him...

This is the end of our always.

Grieving. Thinking. Analizing. Trying to do those things over and over again, satisfying myself upon what is true and not.

My phone rang.

I grabbed it. Burried myself with a pillow upon receiving the call, I discharge the call and continued to grieve. Archie's been calling me since kanina pang eight o'clock- I got what? Twenty calls from him since this past few hours? I mean come on Sunday ngayon which means no disturbance.

He kept on texting me na I should get ready na daw, kasi nga Tuesday na daw yung Senior's Ball- As if pupunta naman ako.

Bababa na sana ako papunta sa sala, pero napag-isipan ko munang maligo. Urgh! I still had that feeling of persuation, I don't know kung panaginip ba yung nangyari kagabi- it seems so real and I don't know, basta it just felt so real.

I remember him touching me everywhere. I remember him kissing me and aspiring me to be his. And I also remember him reminding me that all of it was not real. That it was just a big pretend.

Bawat oras na ibunuhos ko. Bawat luhang pumatak sa mga mata ko. Bawat hagulgol ko. Was that even worth it? I think this is the time to move-on, he gave me a sign last night. Maybe I should provoke it. This is it, this is the start of our ending.

***
Monday morning I woke up not feeling myself. Somethings telling me na kailangan kong mangukay sa loob ng closet ko. Habang ginugulo yung 'basement-so-called' part ng closet ko, may nahanap akong isang malaking box. Naka-duct tape ito tsaka may nakalagay na TRASH.

"Huh? Trash... Kung basura to, bat andito to sa kwarto ko? This should've been outside," bulong ko sa sarili ko.

Hinila ko yung box not being curious what's inside.

"Woah," sabi ko. "Bigat ah!"

Sa di inaasahan, natumaba ako at natapon yung box nang malakas leaving it away from me few feet apart.

"Monique?" sigaw ni mama mula sa baba.

"Okay... Ah--- Oo po, okay lang po ako!" sabi ko.

"Ah--- bilisan mo anak, baka malelate ka na sa klase mo," sabi ni mama.

Hindi ko namalayang dahil sa malakas na pagbagsak nung box ay nabuksan ito. Natanggal lahat at natapon lahat ang nasa loob, at first wala akong masyadong nakikita sa loob kasi natabunan ito ng blue na tela.

Hinila ko ito.

Is this very same blue dress I wore on our first date? Nagsimulang magflashback yung mga nangyari-our first dance... Our first date...

Nalilito na ako. How come mayron ako nito? Eh? Ang alam ko panaginip lang lahat ng eto. Panaginip lang na naging kami ni Welvic.

Hinila ko yung box at binuksan ito. I was stopping every tears from dropping within my eyes. Every glance of those entity, inside that box makes me wanna cry.

I grabbed pictures of me and Welvic- memories of us. Yung sa inland resort ma kinunan ni mama, that very day kung saan naging kami na. Yung picture naming dalawa dun sa play. Everything.

What made my eyes spill over lots of tears was that bracelet I had from him.

"I don't want you gone, you have to fight Monique," his words ran through my head- those fresh memories. "Promise me, you have to try."

Naghanap pa ako ng ibang bagay sa loob ng kahon. Right now, I am dead serious na naguguluhan na ako, I am dead serious na nasasaktan ako. Habang lalu kong ginagalaw tong kahon, mas lalung nasasaktan ang puso ko. Naguguluha  na talaga ako, hindi ko na alam kung ano ang tama at kung ano ang mali.

Nabulagta ako ng may nakita akong isang papel, it made me mad yet sad. This piece of paper explains everything, which ease all the tension.

THE CONTRACT

Hereby declared that Mr. Lance Welvic Sehan would agree to be Ms. Tricia Destrza's boyfriend ever after, and in return Tricia would spare to be Rea Monique Dujali's intern donor for her life's safty.

Contract includes no physical contact with Monique unless necessary.

Through this date of --,--,----. This contract is considered on, and unvoidable unless sudden terms.

Signed by, Lance Welvic Sehan

"Si Tricia yung donor ko?," tinanong ko yung sarili ko. Oo nga, siya yung nagaing donor ko- at eto yung katibayan. I cried so hard. Welvic sacrificed himself just to let me live- that's as if the bravest thing a man coulde've done to me.

Hindi ko namalayang may karugtung pa pala yung papel, nakastapler ito sa likurang bahagi.

To my dearest Monique,

Upon reading the first four words, alam ko na talagang sa kanya galing to. It made made me cry even more.

If you already read this letter I believe you already knew about everything. I am very sorry kung hindi ko naamin sa'yo lahat in person at eto pang letter na to ang nagpa-amin sakin. I mean I don't know, sabi kasi ni Tricia I shouldn't make contact with you aftet I signed that contract, anyways huwag kang magagalit sa kanya infact magpasalamat nga tayo sa kanya because I convinced her to be your donor. Instead, blame me- but you know why I did this type of decision. It's because I love you, and I don't want to enjoy the world seeing you suffer. I don't want to see you dying.

Seeing you seeing me everyday is everything to me. Seeing you smiling at me is everything to me. I am truly grateful meeting you, I am truly grateful sharing my love story with you. But I bet that love story of us should be cooled off for a bit, and God knows if we are really ment for each other, destiny will find it's way to persuade our relationship.

I kept all of our memories inside this box, hoping one day you'll understand everything. I love you Rea Monique...

"Oh my," napa-upo ako sa kama, tinatakpan ang bibig ko trying to stop myself from screaming. Napahiga ako sa kama, I sobbed so hard habang niyayakap yung papel.

"I love you too," bulong ko sa sarili ko.

"He planned all of it, sabi niya everything should as if a huge dream of yours," sabi ng isang boses sa may pintuan ng kwarto ko. Dun nakatayo si mama, likewise she was crying. Katabi niya si papa.

"Ayaw niyang mawala ka Monique, sabi niyang dibale mawala ka sa kanya. Basta mabuhay ka, okay na daw yun sa kanya. Sobrang mahal ka niya Monique," sabi ni papa.

"So hindi totoong nakalimutan niya ako?" tanong ko. "Hindi totoong hindi totoo yung nangyari saaking this past few days? Totoo lahat ng yun?"

"Oo, totoo lahat ng yun anak, he loves you so much which made him let go of you, you are one lucky girl anak," sabi ni mama.

Napag-isip ako. I know where I have to go.

"Mom, I have to go," sabi ko. "Dad, can you give me a ride sa school," I removed the tears off my face.

He nod.

VOTE AND FOLLOW ME :)