Poems of Me

Insecurity

8/1/15
Now why the fuck would you like me?
I have no butt nor any tits
I can't please
I'm just a tease

I'm fucking ugly
And I can prove it too
There's bags under my eyes from lack of sleep
There's sadness in my eyes from the secrets I keep

I know a hell of a lot more than you
I know all your little tricks and charms
I fucking hate being insecure
Because I'm anything from what everyone wants

Trying to live up to expectations all day, every day...
I just can't do it
I'm cracking and breaking under the pressure
I want to fucking cut myself so I can feel better

But out of all the people who're around
I'm the only fucking one who can't do it
Why the fuck is that?
You're all hypocrites, you know that?

All honesty, there is nothing I want more in this world
Than to just tie a fucking rope around my neck,
To slit my wrists open and die
But I can't because you'd all fucking cry

I can't even find the courage to sleep anymore
My dreams are all nightmares
On top of that I can't eat or drink without getting disgusted at myself
I can't fucking try to live anymore, I've given up getting help

I've stopped crying
I run across asphalt in bare feet, making them raw and bloody
God, I thought I knew what numb was before...
But now... I can't feel to a point where I don't even care if I'm dead on the floor

I'm not usually a religious person,
But there are times when I go to church and I pray
Not to greater forces, I don't even feel God in church any longer
But to hope that I can contribute in some way, even if it means I have to starve myself longer

My mind is a fucking mess, you guys,
The poems I've written before, they're just poorly written tastes of it
I don't know what to do about my depression or anxiety or my diet
I'm only four-fucking-teen years old I shouldn't know what to do, should I?

A/N:
Look guys... This poem made me freak out a little, I'm not used to being able to express everything like this. I apologise for any triggers in this poem and all that. I'm sorry.
This is also one of the last few poems I'll write, I'm only writing 100 and I'm up to 97 now soo... Yeah... I dunno, I might start a new poem book after that or something. Depends.