Found In The Wild Waves

Chapter 1

Questions...

Have you ever asked yourself who you are? Why are you here? How did you end up here? What is your purpose in here? Minsan mo na bang naitanong sa sarili mo kung ano ba'ng ginagawa mo at kung tama pa ba 'to because in my case, i have always asked those silly questions to myself. Almost everyday and i'm not getting tired of asking it, well i'm actually tired but i won't stop until i get the most reasonable answer to my questions. I always wonder kung may halaga ba talaga ako. If yes then what am i going to do, if no then why am i even here? I often question my existence and i always find nothing. Walang sagot sa mga tanong ko at hindi ko alam kung masasagot pa ba ang mga 'to.

There are so many questions in our world that up until now, wala pa ring mga sagot. Did you ever ask yourself kung totoo ba siya? The creator. Is he really true? Then if he is, bakit sobrang gulo ng mundo? Bakit ang daming taong nasasaktan? Bakit hindi magkasundo ang lahat? Bakit nangyayari ang lahat ng ito kung totoo sya? I'm not a religous person but i do believe that there is God. I just know that he exist at lahat ng nangyayari sa mundo ay may dahilan. It's meant to happen.

It's a gloomy day today and i'm just here sitting on a bench alone. Watching those people who have their own lives. There is a family who looks very happy and contented. There is a couple who looks deeply inlove and there are people who looks very determined to achieve their goals in life while here i am, asking again those silly questions. Hindi ko alam kung sino ako, not because i have an amnesia or what but because i don't really know myself. I just feel nothing. Just emptiness.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko dahil sa murang edad pa lamang ay namulat na ko sa ganitong pakiramdam. Tiningala ko ang langit at nakita ang ganda nito. Kulay asul at puti na nagpapahiwatig ng kapayapaan. It's such a peaceful day but on deep inside of me, nagkakagulo na. Ang isipan ko ay nagugulo ng mga katanungang hindi mabigyan ng sagot. Mga malabong pangyayari na hindi mabigyang linaw.

I wonder if there are people who would actually understand what i am feeling right now. I feel so confused, lonely, mad, i don't know anymore. I feel so lost. Napapaisip ako if this has something to do wuth my age, but i am just a mere teenager. I am barely surviving in this world and having these thoughts are just making my life worst. I wish i could end this thoughts in my mind. I am already tured and sick of all of it.

Tumayo ako para umalis na sa park, but i saw someone under the tree. It's a crying boy. Naglakad ako papalapit sa bata at tumigil na may tamang layo lamang sa kaniya.

"Why are you crying?" Marahan kong tanong.

He looked at me with those teary eyes. My heart immediately soften with those eyes. At first he was hesitant, but then he just started crying so hard. I wonder what's on his mind.

"Are you lost?" I asked again. Slighlty panicking.

He just nod at me, still with those eyes that are now full of tears.

Nilapitan ko sya para patigilin na sa pag-iyak and to offer him to find his parents. I was about to ask him where did he last saw his parents, but i was caught off guard when a lady in her midst 30's, i guess, pushed me. She looks really angry at me.

I was stunned. I didn't know what to do. I didn't even know what i did wrong to make her that mad at me.

Lumipat sa umiiyak na bata ang paningin niya. Her eyes is full of love. Agad na nanlambot ang galit na mata niya saka hinagkan ang batang lalaki. Siya siguro ang nanay ng batang 'to. She looks worried and i can't blame her. She's a mother after all.

Tumayo na ako at umalis sa lugar na iyon para umuwi na dahil hindi na kailangan pa ang tulong ko roon. I can tell that i am irritated because who wouldn't? Anak niya naman ang naunang lumapit sa'kin. Gusto ko lang namang tumulong pero ang kapalit nito ay ang pagtulak lang niya sa'kin. Ni hindi niya man lang ako nagawang tanungin kung bakit magkasama kami ng anak niya.

If she's too worried na may gagawin akong masama sa anak niya or inakala niyang may ginawa na akong masama, sana sa una pa lang ay iningatan na niya ang anak niya. Hindi niya sana hinayaang mawala ito sa paningin niya. Kung sobra siyang nag-aalala, sana dinoble niya ang pag-iingat niya.

Inis na lamang akong umuwi sa tinutuluyan ko. I went to the park to ease my mjnd but i just ended up having more thoughts.

I'm just wondering kung bakit may mga taong bulag sa katotohanan. Why they can't justify what's wrong and right. Why they can't see first what's behind everything and not just to look on what's in front of them. Why they can't consider first the real ones than conclude on something that's just based on what they saw?

Umiling na lamang ako dahil sa mga naisip ko. I wish i could stop it, but maybe, i couldn't.

I have lots of questions inside my head and thinking too much hurts. I always feel like i was left alone in the middle of the sea and i'm drowning on my deep thoughts.