My Charlotte Hates Me

Chapter 31: Lawful Evil

"...To be honest, I had already accepted death, but then I heard your crying voice and just had to see your face one last time," Arielle said.

"No, don't make this the last time...I worked so hard to help you stay alive to this point. No matter what became of me, I always did my best because I believed that you would finally get your happy ending, but I cannot do it anymore. I cannot return to the past and change it to one where you live!" I said as I covered my eyes with my hands.

"Char...I see...so you have lived a life where I die. How many times?" Arielle asked.

Too many...

"What does it matter? They always end the same way. It was only this time that was different. You finally reached adulthood, got married, and even started your own family! It was not perfect but you could still live and that was good enough for me," I said.

"...How do you return to the past?" Arielle asked.

"I...I return by death," I answered as I removed my hands from my eyes.

For the first time, I revealed my deepest and longest secret.

Arielle began crying as if she my pain was more painful than her actual wounds.

"...It must have been a long and painful journey," she said as she tried rubbing away my tears. "I am sorry that I could never help you."

"No, why are you sorry? I let you die again and again. Now, I can't even return to the past to change my mistakes anymore! Even if I kill myself again, it only brings me back to the moment before I step inside this room," I said.

"...If you can return to the moment you step into this room, it maybe does not mean that you have lost the ability to return to the past. Maybe you have yet to meet all of the conditions behind your power," Arielle said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"...Just think. Maybe you have to meet certain conditions for you to fully use your power. A certain event must have happened," Arielle said.

"I return the moment I die. All of my deaths were different...but they all revolved around you," I said.

"...Maybe the offering was not great enough," Arielle said.

"Offering?"

"...Great power often comes with heavy sacrifices," Arielle said.

Sacrifice?

I offer up my life in order to return to the past. Does that mean that my death was not enough? What else was sacrificed with me?

I always die shortly after Arielle dies...

"...No, I do not want to believe it!" I shouted as I ran my hands through my hair.

Arielle was not dead by the time I killed my self...

Does that mean that both of us have to die so that I can return to the past?

That is almost like saying that I caused all of this to happen...

"It is almost like a curse...You really should not kill yourself anymore," Arielle said.

"...If I just wait until you die—"

I stopped myself.

I could not believe the horrid words coming out of my mouth.

If I wait until Arielle dies...if I fulfill the conditions needed to go back in time before all of this happened, I can protect everything!

Just how many times has it already been?

I don't want to do this anymore...

"...You could wait for me to die and kill yourself, but I definitely won't let you," Arielle said.

"Ha! It is not like you can order me. You are a Queen, but you were always my best friend first. There is nothing that you can do or say that will stop me from saving you over and over again," I said.

"Right...you have always loved me the most and are the...most stubborn person I know. The only way that I can threaten you is by saying that I will hate you forever," Arielle said.

My heart felt like dying when she said such hurtful words.

"Haha...you cannot threaten me with that," I said in a less convincing tone.

"...Before I met you, there was not one person more important who I loved, but now I have Eli...my son, one of the only few family I have left. If I have to curse you to make you stay alive for my son, so be it...I will be the most cruelest person on earth," Arielle said.

"You are damming me to a life of torture!" I raised my voice at her.

I am miserable without you...and now you are telling me that I cannot go back and save you.

"...By my decree, I grant Charlotte Vera Castile the title of a Duchess and appoint her as the guardian of Elijah Ira Arundel," Arielle said.

"...What kind of negotiator are you? You did not even wait for my reply," I said.

"When you go back in time, it is not like the world stops moving for us...In another timeline, you died and left my son all alone to fend for himself to return to me...I won't forgive you if you leave him alone again," Arielle said.

"...How can you make me choose between the two of you? You don't even know how I feel! To me, you are..."

Someone I love with all my heart!

Arielle coughed up more blood.

"...I will leave you everything I own...My notes including all of the misdeeds of the conspirators leading the coup are hidden under the throne," Arielle said between long gasps.

"If I kill myself, you will hate me...If I don't, I have to watch you die again...Why do you have to be so hateful in this timeline! All I wanted...prayed...and hoped for was your happiness!" I screamed at her.

"I'm sorry...I love this this country."

Those were not the words I wanted you to hear you say on your last breath.

"I hate you...I hate you...I really hate you! I hate the God who doomed the both of us to a life of misery...Why do I have to watch your end over and over again? What did we do so wrong that we deserved all of this? How can I...look forward to a future without you in it?" I asked woefully.

I sat alone in complete silence for a few more minutes before Knight Evan came back with a Doctor.

"Did we make it?" the Doctor asked.

I simply got up from my feet and began walking towards the exit.

"...Was I able...to protect?" Captain Agile asked while in a daze.

"...You did your duty. You can rest now," I said.

"I see...thank goodness...Your Majesty," Captain Agile said before taking his last breath.

I closed his eyes one last time.

A few days ago, Arielle had agonized over the fact that Captain Agile had yet to use her name even though they had been married for quite some time. I later took my complaints to the main culprit. He responded awkwardly by saying that he would do his best to call Arielle by her name.

"...Even on your deathbed, your respect for her as a Queen continues to trump your feelings for her as a woman," I said.

I can no longer mediate between either of you two now...

I came home later and was greeted with a hug by Eli.

"Were you able to save Mother and Agile?" Eli asked with an expectant face of good news.

I have to betray this child's expectations.

"...I'm sorry," I said remorsefully.

He seemed to understand the meaning of my words from how he quickly released me and ran to his room crying.

It really is painful living in a world without you, Arielle...

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