My Charlotte Hates Me

Chapter 32: Raising a Son

I raised Eli with my utmost care while also culling the thorns of the kingdom using Arielle's notes.

I found it astonishing but also grotesquely disturbing  at the same time from how she predicted her downfall as one of the possible futures for herself and made plans for the future in the case where she would be unable to act as Queen anymore.

Arielle...truly was...a great Queen.

I soon began taking over her administrative duties with help from her cousin who was recently instated as the successor of the Prime Minister and Arielle's father.

There was too much work to do along with cleaning up and rebuilding the infrastructure of the castle beginning with the staff, re-education of the Knights, and funeral processions for the people we had lost including Arielle's ceremony.

Oddly enough, the funeral was the easiest to handle in terms of paperwork and planning, but the hardest to sit through. I honestly would rather bury myself in paperwork and not sleep for a month than sit through an hour of Arielle's funeral.

I did my best to hold on, but even then, I still find myself crying alone in a room for hours.

I later received news that the former Duke Maddox had lost his life on his way to Arielle's funeral. He had been involved in a wagon accident that was caused by a broken wheel. Both him and his coachman died from falling off a cliffside.

Once again, I was made to deal with two funerals one after the other...

"...What do you mean by calling off our engagement?" Kyros asked me.

I called Kyros over to my home right after the funeral to discuss the future of our engagement.

"...I have become the guardian of Prince Eli. I have no time to divide my attention elsewhere," I said.

"...I always had this feeling that I was always being placed second to everything," Kyros said as he got up from his seat. "I will continue to wish for your happiness and hope that one day you are able to finally put your happiness first one day...Excuse me."

Eli was still angry with me...no, resented me for not being able to save his most important people.

If I was in his position, I would not forgive myself either.

Later that night, Eli walked in to my office alone barefoot and in his nightgown.

"Eli? What are you doing here alone?" I asked as I kneeled in front of him.

Eli soon began crying and rubbing at his eyes with his hands.

"Someone told me that you let Mother die because you wanted to be Queen," Eli said.

"...Do you believe them?" I asked.

"No! I told them that there was no way that was true. Charlotte is the kindest and strongest person I know!" Eli said.

I began tearing up at Eli's words.

"...I thought you hated me for not saving your Mother in time," I said.

I could have saved her but was not allowed to. If I were you, I would not forgive myself either...no, I hate myself more than anyone else for letting Arielle die.

"...I thought that you hated me. I am not your son, but you always take care of me. I am a burden," Eli said.

I brought him into my arms and hugged him tightly.

"There is no way that I hate you. You are the son of my most beloved person and my son as well. You grew up to be such a lovely child. What is there not to love?" I asked as I rubbed my cheek against his head.