My Charlotte Hates Me

Chapter 42: Beside Me

"Miss! Miss! Please wear this dress on your date," Margaret, who is also Kyros' Head Maid, said to me in the morning.

She pulled out a fancy yellow dress with a hoop skirt and frills. She then asked that I go on a morning date with Kyros.

Our date consisted of a short walk around the lake.

"I really am sorry about Margaret," Kyros apologized.

"I should be the one saying sorry...I did not correct them on their misunderstanding about me still being your fiancée," I said.

"...Shall we make the misunderstanding become a reality?" Kyros asked as he got on his knees and held my hand.

I froze for a few moments as I collected my thoughts together and squeezed his hand.

"...As I said before, I cannot make you happy, nor anyone for that matter," I answered seriously.

"You are such a strange person...Most women would be concerned about receiving happiness from others and not the other way around," Kyros said as he got up from his knees and began walking beside me again.

He took my parasol and held it up for me as we continued our walk.

"Why do you ask when you know that you will be rejected?" I asked.

After being rejected so many times, I thought that he would give up by now.

"I have a feeling that you will accept on my thousandth time," Kyros said.

"Thousandth? Would people not normally set the limit at a hundred?" I asked.

"A hundred times is too easy," Kyros said.

"I think that our ideas of easy are too different," I said. "Does it not hurt getting rejected every time?"

"...Of course it hurts. I am human after all," Kyros said with an awkward smile.

"...I really am sorry," I apologized.

"Have you forgotten? I am a masochist. I enjoy pain," Kyros said with a soft chuckle.

Even though he said it as a joke, I could sense the pain underlying his tone.

It is not like all masochists like all kinds of pain...

"Kyros..."

"Lady Charlotte, you say that you do not have the capacity to make me nor anyone happy. I would like to disagree with you on that point. Just by seeing you and hearing your voice, I am already so happy by being near you," Kyros said as he stopped and looked into my eyes. "I am happy to have fallen for you."

I probably said those very same words about Arielle in my head over and over again.

I found trouble saying those words to Arielle because of many hindrances...if only I was a man...if only she was not engaged...if only she could look my way.

As if God had chosen the perfect vessel and presented him to me so that I could envy him to death.

How I wish I could have said those very same words to Arielle as a man...However, I am a coward and someone who will never get the chance to repeat those words to someone I still love.

I covered my eyes with my hands as my eyes seemed to leak without my permission.

"...Ah...eh...excuse me, Lady Charlotte," Kyros said as he brought me into his embrace.

It seemed that he tried to cover me as I continued to cry into his chest. He also tried consoling me by rubbing my head. He failed at stopping my tears and only made me cry even harder to the point where water was literally falling down my cheeks.

"...You are useless as stopper for tears," I said in an irritated voice.

"...Please allow me to be your handkerchief. Dirty me as much as you like, Lady Charlotte," Kyros said as he hugged me tighter.

"...How can you say such easily misunderstood words in public? There really is...no hope for a masochist like you," I said between sniffles.

I calmed down after crying for some time.

We found a bench where we could sit and relax as I collected my thoughts.

I became deeply embarrassed after seeing that my tears had completely soaked Kyros' vest. He had to remove his outer jacket and vest because of me. I apologized profusely after that, but Kyros kept on saying how he was happy to be treated as a used handkerchief and did not mind covering for my tears.

"I really hate how you are so stupidly honest you are with your feelings," I said.

"Is it envy that I hear?" Kyros asked teasingly.

"I envy you. You can be honest with your feelings and have all of the traits I want to show on myself," I said.

"Have you really been honest with your feelings?" Kyros asked.

If I were half as honest as you, maybe I could have worked together with Arielle to change the future instead of continuously doing things behind her back. Maybe I could not trust her enough to blindly follow my orders, but right before her death, she believed my nonsense about going back in time by hurting myself and stopped me.

"If I get a second chance...I want to be more honest about my feelings to that person," I said quietly.

"Lady Charlotte, it is never too late for second chances. As long as we are all living and breathing under the same sky, one day all of our problems will sort itself out," Kyros said.

As long as we are alive...

I will never get to make up with Arielle, will I?

"...It seems that I am always saying sorry to you nowadays...Thank you for everything, Kyros," I said.

"...It is better if you smile all of the time. I will also be much happier that way," Kyros said.

His love towards me is almost blinding...

"...There is someone I loved...No, I still love them. Maybe I am bound to never love anyone. I cannot return your feelings even if I wanted to," I said.

"Now? Is it?" Kyros asked.

"Pardon?"

"I have already waited eighteen years...What is another decade or twenty years for me? Since you have allowed me to stay by your side, please let me selfishly stay near you until you get tired of me. You are under no obligation to return my feelings...Just let me spoil you rotten because that is what I want to do for you," Kyros said.

"...I do not deserve your feelings. I know that I am miserable and pathetic. There are no good parts about me," I said.

"I love everything about you, including the parts you hate about yourself. In my opinion, I do not think there is anyone in the world who does not deserve to be loved. There should always be one person who loves you unconditionally. I want to be one of those people, Lady Charlotte," Kyros said.

For some reason, I felt like hugging Kyros, so I wrapped my arms around his body and rested my chin over his shoulder. Kyros returned my hug and wrapped his arms around my body.

If I could allow myself to fall in love again...

I stopped those thoughts as they would be unfair to this person who sincerely loves me and is willing to give me the world. If I am going to love him, I have to put my entire heart into returning his feelings, otherwise I am just playing around with an innocent man's heart...

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