"Yes Moe, rehearsal siya today," I was talking to Dev on the other line.
"Aaaah, mga anong oras kaya siya matatapos?" I asked, checking updates.
"Baka bukas na siya matatapos pala. Overnight daw siya. Ewan ko ba sa kanya," may pagkainis na sagot Ni Dev and I chuckled.
"Osige. Salamat Dev. Dadaan kasi ako sa bahay," I finally confessed. I cant help it. It's Dev, i guess she has the right to know. And she needs to know. Ayoko namang madatnan ako ni Julie sa bahay.
"Anong gagawin mo dun?" I nearly did not understand what she asked. Ang bilis niyang mag response.
"Relax Dev, may kukunin lang ako. Kaya please, wag mo muna siyang pauwiin sa bahay. Thank you! Love you Dev!" I hang up and parked outside the house.
I opened the door and went straight upstairs. I was about to unlock our door when I saw these two available rooms infront of ours. I smiled and went to open it. I deeply sighed when pain hits me again. I shook my head, forced myself to step out from the room and went to our door to unlock it. I just need my traveling bag which I left it here somewhere and my clothes. I know this is purely stupidity, I can always buy new ones but I hesitated. Sayang din naman itong mga toh.
It took me for like an hour to locate my bags. I started fixing my shirts and putting them in inside my bag. When I thought I packed everything I'll be needing, i zipped my bag and fix the cabinet.
"Moe?" A voice came and I stood there frozen.
She cant be here.
"Anong ginagawa mo?" She asked as she walked near me.
"Umm," I stuttered. "Julie, hi," and I forced a smile on my face.
She stared at me blankly, waiting for me to say more, I guess.
"Kinukuha ko lang itong mga damit ko. Sayang kasi yung space mo," I told her. But she's not buying my alibi. Err.
"Amm, may pupuntahan kasi ako. You know, sayang pag bibili pa ako ng bago, right?" I continued.
I hurriedly locked the cabinet and held my bag.
"Alis na ako ha?" Paalam ko. I was about to make a step or two when she spoke again.
"Tell me where you're going," she softly said.
I stopped infront of the door and faced her.
"I seriously don't know. I'll figure it out on my way," i answered. Her eyes bore on mine. Yung mga titig niyang ganyan na ang ibig sabihin ay may gusto pa siyang sabihin. But I have to interrupt her.
I smiled at her as I looked around. Para na akong tangang ngumingiti kasi alam kong I cant cry infront of her. I can cry a litre later, but for now, i have to convince myself na kaya ko nang iwan siya.
"Julie, kahit anong mangyari, wag mong iiwan tong bahay ha? Sayang toh," i even joked but she did not react.
"..remember the moment you told me that sometimes we need to let some things go? And we need to forget what happened it the past? Ngayon ko lang na-realize na, i really have to do those things to be able to feel happiness once again."
"Now i'm letting you breathe freely, Julie. Wag mong pababayaan yung sarili mo. Dont ever leave this house," mahabang litanya ko. Pinipigilan kong hindi na umiyak but my voice cracked.
I breathe in and out as I motion the rooms infront of us.
"These two rooms are painted in blue and orange. I almost forgot to tell you," sabi ko at lumapit siya sa harap ng pinto.
"This one is painted in blue for a boy and this one's orange for a girl. This is supposedly the rooms of our little US but yeah. Just leave them lock or open, it's okay," ngumiti muli ako sa kanya.
"Ikaw," i held her hair and then cupped her face, "Goodluck sa career mo. Wag kang magpapakapagod ng sobra. You have to eat healthy foods, okay? Dont ever neglect yourself," we are staring at each other's eyes.
"Moe, what if...." her voice was shaky. "What if I dont want you to leave? What if I want you to stay?" she held my hand that was glued on both side of her face.
Ngumiti ako sa kanya at hindi napigilang napaluha sa narinig kong sinabi niya.
"Julie, I wanted to stay. But it would be painful. 3 years kitang nasaktan at habang nandito ako, mas lalo kang nasasaktan. That's why I came into this deep realization na kailangan na kitang pakawalan kahit alam kong masakit. Julie, Im finally letting you go," and we both cried.
"Love, don't cry. After this, you'll be fine. Fall in love again. Move on. Magiging parte na lang ako ng memory mo soon," I wiped her tears away but she cried harder.
I kissed her forehead and said, "Stay strong."
I kissed the tip of her nose and then her tears and cheeks. "I love you," For the last time, i leaned in and kissed her warm lips. She sobbed as she held my nape. She kissed my lips and wrapped her arms around my neck. We stayed like this for a couple of minutes and when she finally stopped crying, i let go of her, picked my bag and said, "Love, this is my last goodbye. I love you."
Without looking at her, i made my way out of the house and drove away as tears races down my face. Its okay, Julie. Everything will be okay, love.
But for now, this is our last. Goodbye.
