We were inside our room and Im starting to pack her stuffs she needs for US since she's leaving in 2 days. Yes, i volunteer myself to pack her things so I could choose the clothes she'll be bringing and wearing there. No sexy outfits. You guys know how she style and sometimes I kinda hate it. Truth that whatever she wear does fits her but you know... Im just being... Protective.
She was seated in our couch infront of me as she hum and strum continuously. I looked at her for a moment and realized that she was staring blankly at nothing.
"Julie," i was trying to interrupt her.
"Love," i held her knees as I knelt infront of her.
"Hmmm?" she looked at me innocently.
"Nakatulala ka na jan, what's wrong?" im a little anxious.
I took her guitar as i sit beside her.
"Wala. Iniisip ko lang na ako naman ang aalis, ikaw naman ang maiiwan," she began. Aaah, so she has been thinking about leaving.
"Im kind of afraid to leave," she added as she leaned her head and bury it in my chest. My arms circled around her shoulder as I held her head, kissing her hair.
"Why are you so afraid?" I asked. I want to know why.
"Afraid to feel that losing thing again," she sighed. Losing thing. I unterstand what she meant now.
"Julie, you'll go to US, Ninang is there, go out and take time to wander, do the show and come back home. I'll be here waiting for you with my open arms. For the nth time, I'm not going anywhere," i explained. I repeated.
"I remember the first night you left, it was really painful," she started. There was a sadness in her voice and I know from that moment, there were several pictures from the past that run through her mind.
There was a moment of silence then but I want her to keep going.
"Go on, love."
"I didnt know what to do then. But tried looking for you the next day but my quest was disappointing. Wala akong nahanap na Elmo ko," she sighed. I tilt my head to look at her face upon hearing her say "Elmo ko."
But i stayed quiet as I wait patiently for her to continue.
"I've been touring again hoping I could see you anywhere around the area where im singing but another no show from you," huminga siya ng malalim.
"After long months of waiting, i got tired and convinced myself to let go amd move on. Pero hindi ko kinaya. Though I know wala akong magagawa so i kept waiting. Until years have passed, nakalimutan ko kahit papano yung pain. And when i thought that i totally forgot everything, saka ka bumalik. Haneps diba, baby?" And then she let out a little chuckle.
I tightened my embrace as I smiled and say,
"I knew from that moment na wala na akong babalikan once i stepped out of the country but I still did. When I first knew that our marriage was fake, I told Mom that i would never ever want to see her again. Hiyang hiya ako sayo. Sa pamilya mo. I dont even know why Mom did that to me. To us. When i realized that my move was wrong, i've decided to come back. To you. But i knew it would be useless," i paused. She then held my hand as she toyed my fingers that was intertwined to hers.
I kept going, "We were a million miles away but know that I never really cut a connection from you. I asked Dev to keep an eye on you. Kahit na naiinis na siya, pinilit ko pa ding i-update niya ako about you. I asked her to give you a rose everyday plus coffee and be with you wherever you go." I smiled.
"Tell me that's not true," bigla niya akong tinignan ng masama.
I laughed, "It is true."
"Moeeee," her eyes widens.
"I swear, love. So ang laki ng utang ko kay Dev. Sabi ko hindi ako aattend sa wedding niya pero siningil niya ako," i chuckled.
"It was a long and difficult journey. I've been to different roads. Rocky ones. I didnt even know where to go. There was no light of hope or anything. You see, life is pointless and meaningless without you," she leaned her body against mine.
"I've been through a lot. And you too. So your one month stay in US is nothing compared to that three years. I have my connections. No matter where, im with you, okay?" I wish i made it clear to her this time that no matter what happens, i'll always be right here or there.
"Tell me, what did i even do to deserve your love?" she asked and this is by far the hardest to answer.
I smiled and look at her in the eyes.
"Love, that is, so far, the hardest to answer. Because seriously? Hindi ko din alam. All I know is im deeply inlove with you, period."
"Dont ever leave a....." she attempted to finish a sentence but too late to continue. My lips crushed into hers as I scooped her in my arms and lay her down slowly on our bed. I pinned her down and my hands were on both side of her head with our eyes sweetly staring at each other.
"Now shut up and focus in this very moment," with that, she run her hands around my neck and pressed her lips to mine. She gave me a light kisses first and then i go deeper. We took a second to breathe and then I kissed her forehead, the tip of ner nose and the her cheeks and lastly, her warm lips. I kissed her slowly and deeply this time. The deafening silence was mixed with our heavy breathing. Her palms touched my stomach and that tickles me. I chuckled and goes to the side of her neck, kissed her there and back to her lips. I slowly pulled my face up and looked at her.
"Let's not rush everything, love. When you're ready, i will also be. But i know, not tonight. This can wait," I whispered. She knew what I was talking about. She flashed a beautiful smile at me and said, "You really do love me."
I chuckled and answered, "I really do."
•••
So yeah. Boring. Again. Its 12 midnight and its time to sleeeep. Uhhh, to shower I mean. Hahahahaha. Still not "there." Peace out! HAHA.
-M
