Oblivious

Chapter 4: Heather

Thoughts in ✨Italics✨
⚠️ Smut warning ⚠️
Suga's POV:

When I got home later that night, I took my shoes off and put down my gym bag. I just wanted to lie down, it had been an exhausting day both emotionally and physically. I wanted to close my eyes and fall asleep so I could stop feeling pain and heartbreak. I should be happy for Daichi, what kind of friend am I? I just wish I could be the one he was going on a date with, the one he would have on his mind the most.
Why the hell do I have to like him? Out of  all people.

After making myself a cup of warm green tea, I headed upstairs to my bedroom so I could rest some on my bed. After sitting down, my cat Haru eventually climbed on my lap which made me smile a little. She was a really chubby old white cat, it was comforting to have her with me  since she's been around since I was a kid.

Ever since Daichi and I spoke my chest had been feeling tight, like as if someone were squeezing my heart. I needed to make myself feel better somehow, these feelings were starting to become more and more overwhelming. If I didn't do something about it, I knew they'd end up consuming me. A few minutes had passed when I started to feel tears stream down my face. I was sobbing, shaking even, some might call it 'ugly crying' and I really needed it.

I hadn't had time to really process what had happened today and it was all coming back into my head. The thought of you being hurt in the slightest tenses me up for some reason...I'm dating Michimiya-San...Seeing you warm will make me feel warm...I won't be there to rescue you always. It felt like someone was playing with my heart, and that someone was Daichi, not on purpose of course but that didn't take away the fact that it hurt so fucking much.

A few minutes after my breakdown, I decided to go take a hot shower, that should help right? When I got into the bathroom, I was feeling way better than before until...I looked in the mirror. I was still wearing Daichi's team jacket and I looked like a total mess. My nose was red and my cheeks were stained with tears, not to mention my puffy eyes. What a night, the next day would probably be worse though, Daichi's date and dog-sitting.

As much as I didn't want to take his jacket off, I eventually did because I really did need a shower. A few moments later I was in my bedroom, with my lights off, baggy grey sweatpants and Daichi's jacket on. I was looking up at my ceiling, were I had glow in the dark stickers on from years back. At this point I had reached the third stage of heartbreak which was acceptance, (after 1. Shock and 2. Having a breakdown).

I found myself listening to 'Heather' by Conan Gray which was perfect for the occasion, some might say I like to make myself suffer. I was just grieving though, the loss of that small hope I had that maybe Daichi and I could be something someday. I'd always make scenarios of us as a couple in my head and of course that only made things worse but what's wrong with dreaming a little bit?

I decided to close my eyes and breathe in the scent of Daichi emanating from his sweater. Rum and cinnamon... "Daichi" His name escaped my lips In the form of a whisper, as if his name were a prohibited word. It felt right in my lips, "Sawamura Daichi". What's wrong with dreaming a little bit? I put my arm over my face, breathing deeply and my face started to heat up. "D-Daichi" It sounded more like a whimper this time. Only if you knew, how much I liked you. I felt a shiver down my spine even though I was drowning in Daichi's cozy jacket.

I started to picture him with me in that moment, laying on my bed with his arms around me pulling me close. Kissing me...touching me. My breath hitched at the thought of this, at the thought of his warm hands embracing me. She's got you mesmerized while I'll die. I felt myself growing hard, my heart was beating fast and I was blushing furiously.

Breathing in Daichi's scent was intoxicating and dreaming was addictive, creating this false reality would probably hurt me more on the long run but I didn't care at that moment. I just wanted to feel something other than pain, so I slid my hand under my sweatpants and I started to feel my length. Slowly. "Da-Daichi~" again, more like a whimper, I didn't know if it was the pain or pleasure, but I was breaking and all I could think about was him.  His scent was addictive, warm in my nose, so familiar and so comforting.

Why would you ever kiss me?  I'm not even half as pretty. The only sounds filling the room were soft moans and faint whispers and whimpers of Sawamura's name. It felt so good, it felt amazing to drown in pleasure to conceal the pain. The heartbreak didn't go away though because I found myself crying now. I'm a mess...crying and moaning, what the hell is this? I'm a complete disaster. "Daichi, D-da-daichi" I was hiccuping and sobbing now. I also felt close to my release...until I heard my phone ring. Fuck.

Daichi Sawamura
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🌸 Updated: September 8th 2020 🌸
Longer update than usual >_<