The Arcana X Reader

kissing them away

lucio x Suicidal! reader

!!!!!! TRIGGER WARNING !!!!!! MENTIONS OF SUICIDE

please do not read if you will be triggered by this, suicide is not a joke in anyway, i want to make this as a way to say, someone is here. even if they aren't real, and even then, im real and here if anyone of you want to vent or talk. and if those dont seem like an option, please call the helpline: 800-273-8255. and remember, you are valid, and loved and you are cherished.

onto the story

you used to hurt yourself, make yourself feel the pain you thought you deserved, and sometimes now, you'd give yourself small doses of pain, sometimes because you thought you needed to while other times you needed to feel something other than numbness.

until lucio came into your life- it wasn't easy, with the devil and lucios deals, they werent fun either, sometimes they'd make you feel like you should just get up, but lucio reminded you of how you need to continue living, to feel successful and happy at the end. 

he was right, and no matter what, he stuck by you like you stuck by him, he told you how you two were going to go on adventures when this was all over. he never knew how drained you were, but his words would fine their way to your heart and dance with you, making you feel at least somewhat better.

when defeating the devil was over, you and lucio went on a trip just like he promised, it was just you and him, you knew a few things about ships when you were with julian and took that info and used it for this trip.

the sun was starting to set, and you stared into the water, with a soft sigh you glance around to see if lucio was nearby. when he wasn't you took out a picket knife and made one single slit onto your porcelain arm. but one turned into two, and two turned into four and four turned into ten. but by that number, you were already in tears. finding yourself weak at the knees, you drop the knife as well as yourself, you bit your hand to silence the cries, trying to regain yourself at least a little, but you never noticed the man behind you, terrified of the sight in front of him.

"y/n..." lucio spoke softly. slowly walking to you, taking note of his movement, scared as if you were to hop off the ship.

you sniffle and look at lucio, hiding your arm in the process, you knew he knew what you did. 

"y/n- why?" he asked, for once his voice wasn't bursting with narcissism, instead it showed great love and fear. he wasn't scared of you, he was scared if your reaction and actions. 

you could only lower your head in guilt "im sorry.." you mutter out

"you're sorry!? that's it? just sorry?! no reason why? y/n-- if i loose you.... i'd loose the only thing id every wanted in my future" his voice raised, but lowered when saying your name. his eyes started to water up. but he didn't stay silent "how long?" you knew this question all too well, when asra found out about what you did, he asked the same thing. but you never did answered him.

"3 months... im not proud of it lucio, i hate myself for it. i want to stop but i don't want to feel numb anymore." you managed to stutter out. lucio only walked towards you to hold you, but you pushed his clean golden arm away and went your guys' shared room, shutting but not locking the door, you knew if you locked it lucio wouldn't have a problem breaking down the door and or the wall.

lucio left you alone for an hour to let you calm down, although it was really him who needed to calm down before he popped a blood vessel from yelling in fear. 

soon he knocked on the door and silently walked in, seeing you fast asleep on his side of the bed he frowned. he kneeled on the floor and looked at your wounds, the blood had dried up and he went to get some bandages, he quietly wrapped your wounds up and kissed the cloth, he never liked crying, but every kiss he set on your arm, made one tear fall from his eyes. 

he felt you shift but he didn't stop kissing the wounds. 

"lucio.."

he didn't reply until he was done covering your arm with kisses "where else?"

"huh?"

"where else are they, so i can kiss them away and make you feel love."

"lucio you dont-"

"i don't need to, but i want to, i want to show you how much i love you and how much you mean to me, without you. im just... mortal, but with you i feel infinite. so y/n, show me where else the scars are"

and so you did, you showed him the scars on your body, the way he looked at you din't change, he was grossed out of disgusted, he looked at you with the same loving eyes he always gave you, he kissed all of them away, and most of them started to disappear. 

"you know- for as much as asra hates me, i learned a nice healing spell from him incase you ever got hurt and i needed to heal you, and im so glad i learned it" lucio said looking at you.

you were a blushing mess, and finally, deep inside you you could feel happiness start to struck you.

lucio leaned over to you and kissed your lips passionately, pulling you close to him.

"y/n, ill always love you, no matter where we're at, what we're doing, ill always love you."

"ill always love you too lucio.. thank you.. thank you so much"

he only smiled and hugged you, laying down and pulling you to his chest. 

you both spent the rest of the day in the bed, just holding each other and taking naps.

~~ end

again, suicide is not a joke and it should never be taken like a joke.

you all are so wonderful, you all are wonderful to me. your comments mean the world to me, and even your guys' dms.

its always a blessing to know that some of my cheesy stories can brighten someones day or hour. you all are such wonderful beings, and you are here for a reason, and if you're having a bad day, remember two things:

the good thing about today, is that you wont have to relive it tomorrow.

and 

the hero always has a great fall before their rising. 

my dms are open, the number is on top of the page, but ill put it in again.

thank you for being here, you're truly a blessing to this world.

suicide hotline- 800-273-8255

have a good day or night, wherever you are, stay safe, and remember to feel emotions, their valid