✓ yellow lights, jensoo

b. it isn't me

jisoo remembers the day clearly, the day where jennie was a horrible shaken mess. she knows the girl had a thing with being someone who goes from a person to another every week, but every now and then she does fall in love. she fell in love three times.

three times.

which should be noted that none of those times were with jisoo, not even close and would expect it to be.

the third time was why the two were now temporarily living together until jennie could go home without needing jisoo everytime at 4am to have a hand to hold. she had recently broken up with that dance mentor, lalisa, assuming that they had been dating for quite some time.

not that jisoo would know, she wouldn't want to anyways.

if she had, it would only make things worse for her. the entire reason why she hesitated telling jennie about her whereabouts once they graduated.

at first, jisoo had troubles adapting to another person walking around her house. she even sleeps on the ground to let jennie have a better rest in her bed, besides she would get up to hold her in a bit anyways. her food would even go missing throughout the day, only to find it on her bed with a heartbroken jennie rewatching dramas.

the older felt unpleased by the mess, but she didn't complain because it was jennie. she could never get mad at jennie.

nor could she argue, and she knew damn well she'd lose if they were to. they never had one anyways.

jisoo would come home one day from work, being relieved by one of her closer friends since they would close that night. she was greeted with an uncomfortable silence since her house was now normally filled with loud, sad songs from one room with the same person head down at the counter in the kitchen.

this time around, it seemed jennie wasn't even home.

"jennie, i'm home!"

she had a habit of greeting the other whenever she entered the house, it was her way of letting jennie know she got home safely before she would get calls and texts. jisoo made her way around to the bathroom and her own room first, only to see clothes scattered from jennie's small luggage.

for some reason, the sight made her sigh happily knowing jennie didn't leave yet even though she didn't like sharing her house as much.

as expected much, jisoo would find jennie in the living room, but this time a bit more fixed up and calmer as she watched a disney movie she remembers watching with her back in high school.

"oh, you're home already?"

"what's up?"

she settles in slowly at jennie's side, carefully leaving a bit of space between the two just in case she'd make her uncomfortable. actually, in the end it was her who would make the move to lean onto her shoulder as she would sigh heavily.

"jisoo? be honest, do you think i'll ever love someone again?"

there were deep questions asked that night, jisoo remembers it quite clearly because, according to jennie, it was an important day for her.

"of course. maybe you're still healing, it'll take time."

"that's true.. then what about you?"

"what about me?"

"well, i remember you've had that single tally mark since high school. its been two years, you know, and there hasn't been a new.. mark."

she wasn't all wrong too. jisoo supposes she just never loved anyone as much as she does with jennie, because nothing fills her heart the same way. she guesses its not suppose to all feel the same, but nothing ever came close so it wasn't something to spark her.

nothing ever comes close to jennie.

she hates it.

"i'm too busy to do relationships right now, maybe i'll settle later."

"or maybe you need a set up?"

"jen, i said i'm too busy, okay?"

specifically because of the fond memories that clouded her head when she saw her own tally mark was the reason why she acted defensive. jisoo doesn't like admitting her feelings openly, because she's scared of not being returned the same way.

she doesn't want to be heartbroken first.

so her safe zone is to lie. to herself, and to everyone around her who can very much see it in her eyes.

"oh.. okay. well, uh, why don't we watch the lion king then?"

jisoo wonders how long it'll take for her to not look at jennie like she's her whole world, because its really getting annoying. because she hates how she's treating someone like they're her everything when she's only half of that.

she could only assume that because jennie was still caught up with lisa.

but she gives thoughts about meeting new people, and maybe thats what might set her off into the right place

maybe she'll meet someone new under yellow lights.

maybe jennie just isn't the one under the yellow lights for her.

maybe.