My Love, Physique Edifice

8

Chapter 8

The night was rough. Atasha realized her love for Timothy while I'm thinking my problems at the same time. James have been texting me and calling me since I send him my text last night. Sa sobrang dami ko ng problema at stress ay hindi ko na kinakayanan na maging masaya. I checked my phone and saw a bunch of texts that was sent last night and uptil now.

Fucking James:

No, we're not breaking up. What's your problem?

Answer the damn phone, love.

Please talk to me when you're okay.

I love you, Blaire.

Sevaspiana, you know I love you. But please don't do this.

Hindi ko na tinapos ang pagbabasa ng kanyang text dahil unti-unti ng tumutulo ang luha ko. I don't want to wake up Atasha who's sleeping peacefully in my bed. There, I cried silently while facing my ceiling making sure that no one could hear my pain. Walang dapat maka-alam na may problema ako.

Ayokong maawa sila sa akin, their sympathy is not what I needed. Gusto kong maging masaya, oo. Pero mas maraming rason para malungkot ako sa isang tabi at hayaan ang mga tao na apihin ang kabaitan. Ngunit iisang tanong lang ang nabuo sa isip ko.

Hanggang kailan ako magiging ganito?

Pagkagising ni Atasha sa aking tabi ay hinatid ko na siya sa kanila. Hindi na rin siya nagsabi na dito muna siya at alam kong kailangan niyang mag-isip isip muna. Katulad ko, may problema siya pero hindi kasing bigat ng dinadala ko. It's Monday, kaya naman pagkahatid ko kay Atasha ay hinatid na ako ni Kuya Dodong sa school.

I bid goodbye and said I will just text him if I will go home. The classes started as soon I stepped in the room. Everybody were looking at me and I just ignored them. I sat beside Andra who's now looking at me with a weird smile in her lips. 

Hindi ko na lamang pinansin at kinuha ang handout ko para magsimula, at makinig sa klase. I'm busy doodling something when my phone ranged loudly that makes everyone look at me. I saw his name and I slide it to reject. My Prof's eyes were pretty mad but she continued her lessons to us.

I shut down my phone secretly and listen to our Prof's lessons for today. Many of it are familiar of me because of architects who guided me back when I was senior high school. Nagpaiwan lamang ang prof namin ng sasagutan namin and dismissed us early than expected.

I texted my friends and didn't bother Andra who's still answering the questions left by our teacher.

Ako:

See you all sa tambayan. My treat, magpapa-deliver ako.

"Hey, Andra. I'll go ahead. See you after lunch. Bye." I bid goodbye to her and she just smiled and nodded.

Lumabas na rin ako sa room namin at nag-dial ng food chain. I ordered plenty enough for six people and just said the address of our school and ended the call. Duemretso na rin ako sa tambayan namin na medyo nasa pinaka-dulo ng campus ngunit napaka-presko at mahangin dito.

James is still sending me messeges, Wala naman akong balak itong sagutin kaya binasa ko na lamang. His messeges broke my heart. I don't want to be selfless, alright. But I don't want either to be selfish. Kailangan ako ngayon ng taong nakapaligid sa akin. Atasha, Dad, Claire. They all need me.

Maybe, at the end of this day. I am still unhappy. Surely I have happiness but I can't feel the urge to be happy when I chose happiness. Maybe, I'm delusional.

Dahil sa pagiging tulala ko ay hindi ko namalayan na may taong nakaupo na sa harap ko. His scent was a mix of mint and lavender. His face was hard and his eyes were sad. He timidly smiled at me but it's also a sad one. I kept my face natural and didn't give a damn expression.