Double Vision ~Marauders Era~

Chapter 5 - Secrets

I was nervous all day, and yet an excitement also existed within me. We had finally moved past our wandless magic topic after three months. Last session we finally talked about occlumency. I couldn't wait to learn more. And yet, I knew something bad awaited me. I could feel it.

When it was finally time for class, I slipped out of the hufflepuff common rooms. I stuck my cane out, beginning the journey to the empty classroom.

"Azalea! Hey! Azalea!"

I turned to find Remus jogging up behind me, his face red and sweaty. He smiled brightly, falling into step with me.

"Walk with me," he asked, glancing into my eyes. I nodded in response, watching his footsteps to help me walk in the right direction. After last month, things have become awkward between us. He apologized over and over for his friends behavior and his participation in it. I accepted the apology, even though it wasn't me he hurt. I wasn't one to hold grudges. But since then he has become distanced, and even a bit shy.

"Are you nervous, too," I asked, trying to start a casual conversation.

"Yeah, a little. Occlumency is a big deal."

"Yeah, it is. I'm just glad to talk about something new. I practiced wandless magic every day, and was a pro by last month," I laughed. Of course, it was my only choice.

"Mmm. Yeah. Nova and I practiced together a lot," he glanced at me once more.

"Is she a good partner," I asked, hoping he was learning just as much.

"Yes. I can't say she was my first choice, though. I would much prefer to have you at my side." He turned to face me now, a look of...well, I'm not sure what that look was. I blushed in response, my heart picking up its pace.

"Oh."

Remus was always so nice to me. I don't know why. I guess because I am kind in return?

Remus held the door open for me, allowing me to walk in the classroom. But I stopped in the doorway. Where were the desks? Why are we standing today? Whats going on?

"Come in, everyone. It is time we start," Dumbledore announced. I slid next to Severus, close enough for our arms to touch.

"Today, you will practice Occlumency with each other. Yes, you heard correctly. When I said you would get into each other's minds the first day, I meant it. You know the spell and how it works. I expect this to come easily to you all."

"No," I cried, "No! I can't!" Something took over my body, and I could feel the fear rising. He can't know. Nobody can know.

"Zales, don't worry. I won't hurt you," Severus whispered, putting his hand on my shoulder. I jerked back, a crazed look in my eyes.

"You don't get it," I hissed, turning to Dumbledore, "I can't. I won't!"

"You will," Dumbledore stared back, his eyes kind but his words stiff. "You must learn trust, Azalea. We can't win the upcoming war without it."

"I trust you," Severus tried consoling me again, "Don't you trust me?"

"Of course," I breathed, my nostrils flaring, "I just-I-"

"I can partner with you," Remus offered, stepping towards me. "Obviously you make her uncomfortable, Snape."

"Obviously? I think you should open you ears. She just said it isn't about trust. You think the problem might not solve itself without you involved? You egotistical-"

"Enough," I cried, not wanting to hear anymore of this.

"Azalea, you must learn to protect yourself. All of you must. It is essential you be prepared in this war. It is okay if a secret or two slips," Dumbledore coaxed, allowing me to breath a few more moments.

He was right, of course. We would all grow to play essential roles in the war. We just didn't know what they were. And what if I let secrets slip about plans we had made? I would never know because I never tried.

I turned to stare at Severus, his eyes wide and interested. Of course he would be. I'm sure he didn't think I had secrets. But I have so many and they weigh me down so much. Maybe...if I don't think about it...he won't see?

"Okay," I sighed, "I will try."

"You can enter my mind first. Or should I say try to enter," he chuckled, trying to lighten in the atmosphere. The thought was a mere whisper in my head, but it made itself clear.

Legilimens.

It felt as if I had been sucked into a vacuum, with no way to escape. I gasped, finding myself surrounded by black. Then, out of nowhere, a field. Then I see him, walking down a hill, laughing. Wait. Who is that? A red headed girl was next to him, laughing along. Is that...Lily?

"Petunia will never forget that, Lils," he cackled.

"I hope not," she giggled along.

They reached the bottom of the hill, sitting down in the tall grass. He turned to look at her, and I knew then how he felt. He was in love with her. It was so blindingly obvious. This was their moments together, moments he cherished dearly.

I gasped, suddenly falling backwards back into the darkness. It felt like someone had kicked me, causing me to release his mind. I fell back into my body, staring at Severus in shock. Why did I feel so...angry?

"Oh," was all I could say.

He never answered. Before I could compose myself, I felt him entering my mind. I almost screamed from the shock, instead letting out a loud breath. It felt wrong, so so wrong.

Then, I saw my father. He was laying on the ground, face down in the dirt. We stood outside our home, my mother nowhere to be seen. I started screaming, watching the blood pour out of his head. All the while, my double vision is all but invisible. I was seeing two dead bodies.

"What did you do," I heard mother screeching, "Azalea, what did you do?"

I screamed, doing everything in my power to get away from this awful memory. It felt like slowly ripping a bandaid, and the effort was tremendous. When I finally threw him out, I was pouring sweat and he was too. It was as if I had ran a marathon, I was so out of breath and sweaty.

"What was that," he cried out, "Why did it look like that?"

Oh. He didn't care about the dead body. He saw. He saw everything the way I do. Oh godric. What do I do now? How do I explain this away?

"My father," I said in response, "You have been asking about my parents. Why were you with her?" I couldn't help but to add emphasis on her, a little bit of my anger seeping through.

"She's my...friend. Why did it look like that?"

"Friend," I cried in exasperation, "You are in love with her! Don't deny it!"

"What does it matter," he hissed back, "Why would you care?"

"Because I am your friend. You never even talk to her. She gave up on you."

"Why did it look like that," he asked, ignoring me again.

"I don't know what you mean. Maybe you messed up the spell."

We stared each other down, breathes uneven. I felt like we were hitting a wall. He wouldn't tell me, I wouldn't tell him. So much for our trust we claimed to have. One thing was sure, though. We both revealed our biggest secrets.