Double Vision ~Marauders Era~

Chapter 17 - Sirius Romance

I laughed quietly, covering my mouth to hide a snort. Sirius barked in response, wagging his tail. Remus revealed to me that his friends helped him during the full moons. I was skeptical, so Sirius offered to show me. He said he was gorgeous, that my mind would be blown. And here he is, a shaggy black dog, not blowing my mind.

"That is so fitting, Sirius. I get it, I really do." He ran forwards, his tongue running up my cheek. I squeaked, burying my face into Remus.

"Quit, Sirius! That's enough," I laughed.

"Come on, Padfoot. That is just gross," Remus laughed with me.

Sirius pushed between us, tackling Remus to the ground. He licked up each cheek, then up the middle of his face. Remus swatted him away, laughing wholeheartedly. Sirius backed off, finally changing back into his usual self.

"Impressive, right?" He looked at Remus when he said this, waiting for his reaction.

"Very," I giggled.

"Yeah, so impressive," Remus muttered as he wiped the saliva off of his face. Sirius had a satisfied grin, his cheeks glowing.

"I can't believe you went through all of this for Remus. I've never had anyone be willing to do that for me."

"You do now," Remus smiled, clutching my hand.

"I would do anything for Remus," Sirius whispered, "For James and Peter, too, of course."

"Yes, I can see that."

"Remus, don't you have to go meet James," Sirius said after a long silence

"Oh, is it that time already? Wow, yeah, you're right. Azalea, I will see you in a couple hours, right?"

"Of course," I nodded. He leaned forwards, placing a hand on my cheek. I turned my head, letting his lips touch my cheek. He pulled back, giving me a soft smile. I nodded back, releasing his other hand. He stood, waving goodbye to Sirius. I watched as he left, letting the silence surround us. It wasn't until he was completely out of sight when Sirius spoke.

"Do you love him," he asked quietly.

"Oh. Um. I don't know. I...I think I could grow to love him. One day."

"It has been a month of just you and him. I would think after last year..."

"Yes. You would think," I whispered back.

"Can I be honest with you for a second? Brutally honest? I don't want you to be hurt by this but I think you should understand where I am coming from."

"Okay." I was scared now. What was wrong? Was I doing something? I knew I should have deeper feelings for Remus, that I should have let him kiss me more often. Shown more affection. But it was hard when my heart still ached for another man.

"I don't think you should be with him. Not romantically, anyways," he shrugged.

"Why," I demanded.

"You aren't right for each other. I can see that. You can see that. But he can't see that. It's obvious you are still stuck on Severus. I can't begin to understand why. But Remus is a good person. And he doesn't deserve to be played around with. He deserves someone..."

"Like you," I filled in quietly. His head snapped down, his eyes bearing into mine.

"What are you talking about? I'm not-I don't like-"

"It's okay. I understand. He is handsome, smart, loving, kind. I can go on and on. It is hard not to like him. Even harder not to fall in love with him." He clenched and unclenched his fists, closing his eyes.

"You can't tell him."

"Of course not. I wouldn't dare. That isn't my place. But I am his girlfriend, Sirius. And I do love him. I just don't know if it's the right type of love. But I want to find out. And I need time."

"I don't need time," he snapped, "I've loved him for years, Azalea. Years! And he won't bat an eye at me. He won't look at me the way he looks at you!"

"I know," I whispered, "And I'm sorry. I'm just not sure that he feels the same way, Sirius. He hasn't ever said..."

"Of course he wouldn't say anything to you! He is embarassed! He doesn't want you to know!"

"Sirius, I'm not sure-"

"We kissed, Azalea!" I gaped up at him, not sure what to say.

"When," I finally whispered.

"Over the Christmas break. When he saw you with Severus...he was lost. I found him crying in the bathroom. I approached him, sat down next to him, consoled him. He confided in me. Told me he wasn't sure if you were the one, but that he didn't want to lose you. He was scared that he had pushed you away for good. I talked him down, told him he could always try talking to you. I wish I hadn't now. I just didn't know what to do, how else to help. Then...it got really quiet. We were staring really intensely into each other's eyes. And then...he leaned forwards. I let him make the first move. I didn't want to take advantage of him. And he kissed me. We made out for a while. Until someone came knocking on the door. We haven't talked about it since then. Because it wasn't long before he had you around his arm again."

I wasn't sure what to say. Sirius was obviously embarrassed, his cheeks a dark red. This was probably the first time he had admitted to kissing Remus. I wasn't mad at Remus. I didn't mind that they kissed. I was just confused. If he kissed Sirius, had feelings for Sirius, and wasn't sure about me...why did he come back? It made me wonder if we were in the same situation. In love with someone we knew we shouldn't have. And maybe we were using each other to try and get past that.

"He didn't tell me that," I finally said.

"I know. And I know you care a lot about him, Azalea. But I do too. And I just...I think you are both in a relationship that will never work. I know you love Severus. I don't know if Remus likes me. And I'm not going to demand you let him go so I can take him. But...think about this. Think about how you really feel. How he really feels. I know you can tell. And I know he can tell. It's time you two talked about it."

He was right, of course. It was time we talked about it. I wasn't sure if I could make it work. Especially knowing he may love someone else. Because I didn't love him. And I'm not sure I ever could.