Double Vision ~Marauders Era~

Chapter 9 - Stupid Boys

I spent the next few weeks in a daze, never letting my eyes lift to meet anyone else's. I could hear the whispers around me, or at least, I thought I could. I imagined their disgust, their shock as they realized how horrible I really was. No one saw me and Severus, and yet...I felt like everyone knew.

I couldn't bring myself to speak to my friends. I knew Remus and his friends were staring, strange looks on their faces. I couldn't read their expressions. Were they mad? Upset? Disappointed? Thinking about any of those things made me want to wallow in a pool of tears. Then, that thought made me so embarrassed that I would want to hide in the dark and never come out again.

Severus, on the other hand, was doing a wonderful job of showing his anger. I could see it in his eyes. He was mad it wasn't an easy decision, mad that I wouldn't speak to him. Feeling his glare made me wiggle around uncomfortably. I felt awful. He had know clue how I truly felt. I don't know if I understood how I truly felt.

I skipped my extra classes for weeks. I couldn't bare to look at Remus or Severus. I also knew I couldn't handle getting trapped by either boys in a conversation. It would overload my already misguided emotions.

Dumbledore and I had already sat down and discussed my options. He told me that I could take a break until we came back from Christmas. Then I would have to choose whether I returned to class. Of course, I wanted to return so badly. I had improved so much, and my magic was finally becoming manageable. But there was that nagging voice in my head, the one telling me something bad would surely happen if I went. I listened to the voice, even if it was against my best interests.

I was laying down on my bed when she walked in. I was on my back, my eyes closed. My face was streaked with tears, my body still shuddering from the after affects of my panic attacks. They were coming more and more often, with little to no warning. I could no longer control the feelings, and I felt as if my mind had swallowed my body.

"Um, hi. Azalea, right?"

I jumped in shock, quickly wiping at my face. I sniffled for a moment, an attempt to regain control of myself. I sat up hesitantly, finally looking to the door. There stood Lily, the beautiful red head Severus was in love with. Her voice sounded so angelic and smooth, it almost calmed me just to hear it.

"Yes," I finally spoke, barely whispering.

"I'm Lily. I'm sorry to bother you, but, they said it was important. Remus is really upset about something, and he said to run and grab you. I'm not sure what's wrong. Something about James and Sirius getting revenge?"

"What," I shrieked, "Are they going after him? Of course they would! They are so entitled-"

"After who," she asked as I jumped to my feet. I quickly grabbed a sweatshirt and pulled it over my head, too panicked to change my shorts. I didn't even bother to put on my slippers.

"Severus," I hissed, "Godric! He must have done, or or said, or oh! Who knows! This is so ridiculous! Stupid boys! Stupid, stupid, stupid!"

I was running out of the room as I spoke, my feet slapping against the ground. I felt like time had slowed, and I was trying to beat the clock. Where would they even go?

"Lily, where are they," I cried out, turning to see if she had followed.

"The courtyard, I think," she breathed, two steps behind me, "I'm coming with you. Severus is my friend, too."

"Yes, I'm aware." I tried not to be jealous, but I could feel it bubbling inside me. No, this is not Lily's fault. It was obvious she didn't feel the same way about him.

I heard the screaming before I reached the courtyard. Onlookers were cheering or booing, a large circle in front of me. I glanced around, my eyes wide and begging. I had already tripped three times, and I knew it would only get worse.

I pushed my way through the crowd, screaming at anyone and everyone who tried to object. I must have sounded scary, or desperate, because they moved quickly. Once I made it to the circle, I saw them. Severus was upside down, shouting profanities. James and Sirius laughed, while Peter nodded. Remus was staring sadly, not saying a word.

"You idiots," I shouted, quickly grabbing my wand and letting Severus down.

"Azalea," Remus gulped, "I see you received your message."

"Yes, I did. What gives you the right? You are all a load of gits! Godric! Can't you talk to each other like men instead of fighting like little boys? I am beyond angry with the lot of you! And yes, that includes you Severus! This is nonsense! Absolutely ridiculous," I screamed, each word getting louder and louder.

I turned to Remus, stomping towards him without any grace. I drew my wand up, jabbing it at him. The tip grazed his neck, right on the jugular. I pushed just enough to get his attention, allowing a growl to escape my lips.

"Do not ever do this again. I will hunt all four of you down," I looked from Remus' eyes, to James, to Sirius', to Peter's, " and make sure you never see the light of day again. Do I make myself clear?" They all nodded, with the exception of Remus who whispered a measly 'yes'.

"And you," I spun around, walking towards Severus. He was on his knees, struggling to stand. I took my wand and jabbed it into his jugular, digging in tightly.

"Do not think you are forgiven. I don't know what happened here, and I don't care to know. I will tell you the same. Do not ever do this again. I don't have to threaten you. You know me well, and you know I don't lie. I won't repeat myself." He said nothing in response.

"I have been struggling for weeks because of you two, and then I get told you are doing this? Absolutely unacceptable. I like you both, but I hate the way you are both acting. Grow up. Then come talk to me."

I spun on my heels, pushing angrily through the crowd. My face was flushed from anger and the cold. My body shook from adrenaline and the freezing weather. My feet felt like blocks of ice. I barely made it down the first corridor, and I decided I couldn't go any further.

I plopped down in the dark corridor, not bothering to make sure I was hidden. I felt so drained of energy, and knew I would be unconscious in seconds. I barely made it to the ground before I was taken away, my unconscious traveling on a journey of its own.