Double Vision ~Marauders Era~

Chapter 18 - Part of Me

I cornered Remus the next day, dragging him into an empty corridor. He laughed at first, pulling me tightly to him. He kissed my neck gently, breathing softly into my ear. I shivered, pushing him gently. He had the wrong idea. This isn't what I brought him here for.

"No, Remus," I said quietly. He looked at me in surprise, instantly taking a step back.

"What's wrong?"

"We need to talk," I muttered.

"About..."

"Us."

"Oh," he gulped, "Okay. What about us?"

"You don't love me," I blurted out.

"Well-I mean-one month-um..."

"It's okay," I laughed lightly, holding my head down.

"You're right," he admitted, "But I like you. A lot. And we can definitely make this work. If we would just give it time-"

"No, Remus," I said quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't love you, either. I thought the same thing. That if we just gave it time, we could make it work. That we would be good for each other. But we can't do that to ourselves. I love you. But as a friend. I enjoy your company, your friendship. We just weren't meant to be. I'm glad we tried, though. I couldn't have let go of you unless I had tried."

"No! No, Azalea! What are you saying? It hasn't been that long! We can try! We can make it work! It just-we just need-"

"I know," I whispered quietly, finally meeting his eyes.

"Know what," he said fearfully.

"You are in love with someone else. At least, I think you are."

"What? What other woman-"

"I didn't say it was a woman." He gaped at me, eyes wide. I watched him swallow hard, and I knew his heartbeat was intensifying.

"Please," he finally whispered, "Please, stop."

"Sirius told me," I admitted.

"He what," Remus cried out.

"We talked for a good bit yesterday. He told me you kissed. Or snogged. And it's okay. I'm not mad. But I knew immediately that it was him causing you to question us. Just like you know who makes me question us."

"Severus," he grumbled.

"Yes. And I left him for you. I left him to decide what was best for me, and for him to decide what was best for him. He still loves Lily." Remus gaped, his head spinning.

"You mean..."

"Yes. He chose her over me. It has always been her, our whole relationship. I love Lily, but sometimes, thinking about her, I just..."

"Hate her," he filled in.

"Yes. So much," I seethed.

"I get that. Sirius is constantly with other girls. Every time I see a new one...I get so angry. He told me they were just cover ups. He doesn't actually enjoy being with any of them. He told me he never shagged them, not a single one. Never got past the snogging phase with anyone."

"Because he was thinking about you," I whispered quietly.

"Maybe," he shrugged.

"Severus isn't like that. He never even told Lily how he feels. But part of him still holds on to her, even when he had me! I practically threw myself onto him, begged him for attention! And I got it," I laughed bitterly, wiping a tear, "We fooled around a bit, and I thought that was it. That he finally gave her up. But then...the next day...he laughed it off. As soon as he saw her, he forgot about me. And he wouldn't do anything like that with me again. He kissed me, sure, but he never would look at me the same. It's like he thought he betrayed her. And she doesn't even know."

"Wow," Remus scoffed, "Why do you still care, then? Why do you still love him?"

"I tried to get past him. I thought being with you would..."

"You thought I would replace him. That you could love me, instead."

"Yes," I admitted guiltily.

"It's okay. I think...I think I was under the same impression. I had a crush on you, and I thought we could easily make it more. That we fit so well together, I wouldn't have to think about Sirius anymore. I feel guilty about it, but less so knowing you feel the same way. I just...I shouldn't be with Sirius. I mean, it's another man for Godric's sake!"

"You can't help how you feel," I touched his hand, "And neither can I. It doesn't matter that it's another man. Not really. If he makes you happy, then go for it. When I talked to him, he seemed so worried about you. He could tell we weren't in love. That we were going through the motions. He told me that much. And then he told me how you kissed, how he was worried he was taking advantage of you. He is a good lad. A good friend. And he will make an even better boyfriend. Maybe even a husband."

"Maybe," Remus whispered after a long silence, rubbing his face gently.

"I'm sorry it ended this way," I finally said.

"Me too," he admitted, "I would still like to be friends, though. No matter what, we do have a strong bond. I think we just misinterpreted things. Pushed our feelings for others onto each other."

"I agree. I would love to still be friends." He reached forwards, pulling me into a hug. I sighed, relaxing into his touch.

I knew this relationship was wrong from the beginning. He knew, too. And I was glad we didn't have to pretend anymore. I wanted him to be happy, even if it meant it wasn't with me. I knew Sirius could do that. The way he talked about Remus...he was head over heels in love. He had been for a while. Remus deserved that kind of love. It was something I couldn't offer him.

I still wasn't going to pursue Severus, though. He still had his own problems to sort through. I knew he loved Lily. And I thought he might also love me. But his heart was torn, just like mine. Only, he feels a true love for Lily. Something that might be unbreakable. Even if she doesn't want him. Even if she never will.

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In my one shot collection, I have written a small insert about Sirius and Remus! It is when Remus goes to tell Sirius that him and Azalea were done, and what happens afterwards if anyone is interested!