Double Vision ~Marauders Era~

Chapter 23 - Revelations

Severus was true to his word. He let me stay all week, and it comforted me to the point that I didn't want to leave anymore. I had been so desperate to return to Hogwarts, so ready. And now I couldn't say I still felt the same. Waking up to Severus every morning was surreal. It was strange to open my eyes to his face, to have my first words be to him. I didn't dislike it, though. It was just odd.

He invited me to sit with him on the train ride back. I was surprised, but I sat with him anyways. His friends scowled at me, and I could hear the sarcasm in their voices when we spoke. I even heard a laugh or two. That was okay, though. I just smiled back, trying not to let it bother me. I could understand. I was a hufflepuff, and a muggle born one at that. I was different from them. And they didn't like different.

I kept quiet when they made prejudice remarks, shifting uncomfortably. I wasn't confrontational in the slightest, and I definitely wasn't good at standing up for myself. Especially around these strangers. I was surprised when Severus took up for me, telling them I was different. That I was special to him, whether they like it not. That I would be around much more often. That they couldn't touch me or say anything threatening towards me ever again. I tried to tell him it was okay, that he didn't need to lose friends for me. But he insisted, and part of me was glad he did so.

When they started making jokes about him being blinded by love, I realized they weren't as mad as they seemed. I could tell some of them were fronting. They weren't all unhappy about our relationship. Lucius seemed to be the only truly vicious one. I could tell he was trouble. But that was Severus' best friend. And so I will try to get along with Lucius for his sake. I didn't want him to choose between the two of us. I knew how difficult that would be firsthand.

I was a little shocked when Lucius pulled me aside the first day back, pulling me into a dark corridor. I followed him, unbothered. I knew he wouldn't hurt me. Severus had made his threats clear. And they all knew Severus would go through with them.

"Look, I'm not going to pretend to like you. And you can pretend all you want, but it won't change. I just want you to know that Severus isn't what you think he is. He isn't just some charming do gooder like the stupid Gryffindors. He is going to do what it takes to survive, and that might even mean sacrificing your life together. I just thought you should know that."

"What do you mean," I asked, taken aback. But he didn't answer. Instead, he turned on his heels and left. His cloak bellowed behind him dramatically, following him around the corner. I knew he must have told Severus about our encounter because of how Severus had been reacting to my touch. He flinched throughout the day, looking anywhere but my eyes. So, when he pulled me into the same dark corridor, I knew something bad was coming.

"I have to tell you something," he admitted, picking at the skin around his fingers. I took his hands into mine, nodding gently. He took a shaky breath, spilling out his secret at last.

"I was really upset when you left me. I was mad that you chose him, and I thought I had no one left to turn to. I ruined my friendship with Lily, ruined my relationship with you. My emotions got the best of me. And I regret that now. I really do. I don't know what possessed me to do it. I just...I was going crazy thinking about you. And everyone was whispering these crazy ideas in my head. I was so lost, I just wanted something. Someone. I wanted to feel, you know? So thats why I did it, I think. And now I can't get out of it, and I don't know what to do."

"What did you do," I whispered, my eyes wide. It must have been serious. Severus never acted like this. Then, I saw the single tear fall from his eye. He tried to hide it, but I saw. I pretended not to, but I knew. Something was really wrong.

"They'll kill me. Kill you. Kill Lily. Kill that child you care so much about for some reason. Everyone I know and love. I don't know what to do."

"You didn't," I gasped, taking a step back when realization hit me.

"I joined the death eaters," he hung his head low, ashamed. I watched as he pushed his sleeves up, showing me the dark tattoo on his fore arm. I stumbled back again, feeling sick to my stomach. How did I not see this? I had seen him without a shirt, seen that arm. Where had it been all this time?

"I hid it," he cleared his throat, "Spells wouldn't cover it, but I found some muggle stuff to cover it up."

"How long," I managed out.

"March," he admitted.

"Severus Snape," I spluttered out, "I don't-how could-I just-"

"It's okay to be mad. I get it."

"You get it," I finally bellowed out, the anger overwhelming, "You get it? They will kill me, Severus! No questions asked! You know what I am! A mudblood, right? That's what you called Lily. And I forgave you for that. She did, too. And here you are, working to kill everyone like me! I deserve to be here, just like you! Honestly! I could destroy you in a duel right now, Severus, if it ever came to that. I'm just as talented, just as smart. Why? Why would you ever-? I understand you were hurt, but honestly! You behaved like a child! A very disobedient one, at that!" He winced at my harsh words, nodding in agreement.

"You're right. Every bit of what you said is right. I don't know why I did it. I shouldn't have. I don't believe that garbage the purebloods spit out. But it has been the only way I have survived, you know? Blending in. So, I guess, in my mind, it was like all the other times. I did it because everyone else was, because they would protect me if I did. And I know I've put you in danger now. I get that, I do. But please, please don't shut me out."

"You have to do something to fix this," I breathed, the anger still running through me.

"I will, I swear. I've already thought about going to Dumbledore. To see what he would want me to do. Maybe he can help me get out of this."

"You can't just get out of this," I said, exasperated, "They will easily find and kill you. Godric, Severus. I can't live without you. I'm just getting used to having you with me. You can't just leave me! You can't!" I stomped my foot, feeling like a toddler. But he had to understand. He had to.

"Of course," he stumbled forwards, grabbing my arms, "Please help me. Stick with me. I swear we can get through this. But I don't know if I could do it without you. Please. Don't leave me."

"I won't leave," I whispered back, "Even though I am incredibly angry. But I will forgive you in time. I won't leave." He sighed in relief, pulling me into his chest. I hugged him back, my mind spinning.

Maybe I shouldn't be so easy to forgive. I had said time and time again that I didn't ever think I would have a good man like Severus. And that was true. But he wasn't good to everyone else. Especially not to others like me. Maybe I was wrong for this. My fellow muggle borns might hate me for this. But I couldn't give up on him. I loved him. And he deserved to be loved. Maybe nothing was wrong with him, really. Maybe it was the people around him. Maybe I could fix that.