Even a traitor may mend || The chronicles of narnia

If dying was what it took...

"I'm glad I - glad I could stop her... glad I could save - save you."
Peter took a deep breath as Edmund's words came back to him, and he couldn't help but wonder what he meant by "save you."
Edmund had saved him?
From the witch?
If that was true, if Edmund really did save Peter, then it meant that Edmund had almost died for him, and that very thought made Peter's heart break.
Swallowing hard and blinking back tears, Peter tore his eyes away from his brother and instead glanced down at his arm, which currently felt like it was on fire.
After a second or so of hesitation, he stood from the chair and slipped his tunic over his head, wincing and forcing back a hiss of pain as the material peeled away from the wound.
He tried to be as quiet as he could as he walked across the tent to grab some water and a cloth... Edmund had only been sleeping for an hour, and Peter was determined for him to get as much sleep as he could.
So as quietly as he could, he cleaned the wound himself, before slipping into the clothes he was wearing before the battle and sitting back down carefully on the seat beside Edmund's hammock.
"I'm glad I - glad I could stop her... glad I could save - save you."
Peter sighed and ran a hand through his hair, staring at his brother.
Had Edmund actually meant to say that? Or had he been to tired to know what was coming out of his mouth?
Either way, he'd still said it, and Peter didn't know what to think.
But he would just have to wait until Edmund woke up, and he hoped that wouldn't be for a while yet.
After a while he couldn't help but wonder where Susan and Lucy were, but soon told himself that they were either still tending to the wounded, or else had decided not to disturb them, which he was glad for.
Peter just sat there for almost another three hours, just watching his brother, his hand placed almost continuously on the back of his head, until Edmund eventually started to wake.
Peter held his breath, though he didn't know why as Edmund's eyes slowly flickered open.
He lay staring up at the top of the tent for a while, before wincing slightly and moving his head to stare at Peter, giving him a small smile. "Hey." He choked, voice quiet.
Peter did his best to smile back, despite all the thoughts going through his head. "Hey." He replied. "You feeling any better now?"
Edmund nodded slightly. "I'm not as tired." He told him. "The pain is still there, but it's definitely not as bad as earlier."
Peter sighed in relief at this, and his smile wasn't forced this time. "That's good then." He said, before standing and grabbing the tunic Edmund had been wearing before the battle. "You forgot to put this on before you fell asleep." He said. "You must be cold."
Edmund shrugged carefully. "A little I guess." He sighed as he took the tunic from Peter and slipped it hesitantly over his head. "Thank you."
Peter gave him a small nod at this before glancing down at the ground.
"Peter?"
Peter sighed at the worry in his brothers voice, and found himself looking back up again, coming face to face with the very anxious look on Edmund's face.
"Is something bothering you?" He asked.
Peter swallowed hard. "I guess so yeah." He whispered.
Edmund frowned. "What?" He questioned.
Peter hesitated, but in the end sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Why did you do it?" He choked out eventually, shaking his head back and forth.
Edmund took a deep breath at the question, before sitting up and glancing down at the blankets covering him and sighing. "She had to be stopped." He mumbled.
Peter frowned. "Why did you do it?" He repeated, knowing what the real reason was, but wanting to hear it from Edmund again.
Edmund just looked confused. "I told you," he said slowly. "She had to he stopped. There was no way we would've won if she still had her wand."
"I know that." Peter said, finding himself glaring up at Edmund. "But what I also know is that you faced the witch, you smashed her wand, to save me. You almost died, saving me!"
Edmund looked shocked. "How-"
"How did I find out?" Peter finished for him. "You told me, I doubt you were awake enough to know what you were saying, but you told me. Said you were glad that you could save me."
Edmund's eyes had widened at this point, and he had to swallow hard to keep back the tears... this isn't how he wanted Peter to find out... if he ever wanted him to find out in the first place.
"So, is it true?" Peter questioned.
Edmund stared at him, and after seeing the determination in his brothers eyes, slowly dropped his gaze and nodded. "Yeah it's true."
Peter took a deep breath, tears stinging his eyes as he stood from the chair and began pacing back and forth the tent, like he always did when he was trying to think, or was worried. This time though he was a little bit of both.
"You - You almost died, saving me?" He choked, sounding shocked.
Edmund sighed but nodded anyway, hoping Peter wouldn't release the anger it was clear he was feeling.
"Why?" Peter asked, clearly trying to keep back his anger.
"Because - Because I love you." Edmund sighed. "You're my brother, and after what I've done, it's the least I could do to try and make it up to you."
Peter's mouth dropped open. "You almost died Edmund!" He exclaimed. "You were so close! A second later and Lucy would've been too late to use her cordial!"
Edmund took a deep breath. "I know how close I was to death." He whispered. "Trust me I know."
Peter stared at him, trying his hardest to stay calm, but he couldn't say it was exactly working. "You - You have no idea how much you scared me!" He choked. "No idea. I watched it all happen Ed! I watched you smash her wand! I watched her shove what was left of it into your stomach! I watched as you fell! I watched as you fought for breath, fought for life! I watched as you stopped breathing completely, Edmund. I watched you practically die!" He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. "And now you saying that you did it to save my life, just makes it a hundred times worse."
Edmund stared up at him, trying to push away the fear he'd felt when Peter had raised his voice. But even if Peter did see the panic in his eyes, he didn't say anything about it, which meant he really must be angry.
"I - I couldn't let her get to you." He choked, not making eye contact with his brother.
Peter's eyes went wide. "So you let her hurt you, again?!" He exclaimed, before sighing and running a hand through his hair again. "I can't believe you actually did that." He muttered.
"Please Peter." Edmund sighed. "I did it because I love you, you're my brother! And I know I haven't been the best brother up till now, and even that's an understatement, but I wanted to make it up to you. I wanted you to know that I've changed, and most importantly, I wanted you to live. You've done nothing wrong, you don't deserve to die. Me? I betrayed my own family! Sold you out for sweets! I nearly got all three of you killed! And yet everyone seems to act like it's no big deal. You all-"
"Shut up!" Peter shouted suddenly. "Just shut up! That wasn't your fault! It was all mine! I was too hard on you! I acted like Dad, bossed you around! It was my fault! All of it! I practically drove you to the witch! I couldn't protect you! I let you get hurt when I was the one supposed to be looking out for you! I was supposed to keep you safe, and I really messed it up this time."
Edmund swallowed hard, Peter hadn't exactly said messed as such, and it told him alot that Peter was actually swearing, which he hardly ever did, but he looked past that and concentrated instead on calming his now pounding heart, forcing back the urge to just panic.
"I'm sorry but it's true." Peter said, lowering his voice a little. "You were tortured Ed, and I couldn't stop that. Maybe if I'd shown you the love I'd shown Susan and Lucy, you wouldn't of gone to her, and you would've been safe-"
"I also would still be the same as I was before Narnia." Edmund cut him off, having managed to calm down a little now. "I'd still despise you, still hate it when Susan tried to take care of me, I'd still be teasing Lucy endlessly."
Peter stared at him, swallowing hard and forcing back his tears as best he could.
Edmund sighed and shook his head a little as he continued. "But now, now I see how much you do all love me. And I only wished I'd seen it sooner. You were only trying to protect me, to keep me safe. You were only trying to keep me happy after Dad left. But instead of accepting all of that, I pushed you all away."
"You - You were hurting Ed." Peter mumbled.
"That's no excuse for how I treated you all." Edmund said firmly but quietly. "And that's definitely no excuse for betraying you. So I needed to make it up to you, so if dying was what it took, then I didn't care."
Peter couldn't keep back the tears any longer, and didn't even wipe them away as two rolled slowly down his cheeks.
"I - I know you can't, and don't know how, to forgive me." Edmund choked. "And I understand, I can't forgive myself either. But I hope by doing this, it's shown you all that I really do still love you, no matter what I've done in the past."
Peter hesitated a little. "You heard me and Susan last night, didn't you?" He sighed.
Edmund nodded. "Yeah, I heard you." He mumbled.
Peter bit his lip. "You didn't have to do that make up for what you did." He choked. "You already said you were sorry."
"That's not enough." Edmund said firmly, even if his voice cracked because he was trying to hold back tears. "You and I both know that. So, I thought saving you, saving your life, would show you how much I love you, and most importantly how sorry I am."
Two more tears rolled down Peter's cheeks at this, and his anger quite literally melted away. "Oh Ed." He murmered, before walking back over and sitting in the hammock beside his brother, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and pulling him into a tight hug. "You idiot." He choked.
Edmund smiled at the playful tone to his voice, before burying his face against Peter's neck and lifting his arms to hug him back.
"I - I'm sorry for shouting at you." Peter whispered after a while. "That's that last thing you need right now."
Edmund sighed. "It's alright." He mumbled, voice slightly muffled against Peter's tunic. "I understand. Watching - that happen, must've been horrible."
"No Ed." Peter choked. "It would've been a hundred times worse for you. And I regret shouting at you, I was just worried is all, and shocked. Knowing that you'd actually die for me... It was shocking."
Edmund chuckled slightly, tightening his grip around Peter's waist as much as he could without seriously hurting himself. "You're welcome." He teased.
Peter smiled down at him, placing a light kiss to the top of his head. "I scared you just then, didn't I?" He mumbled after a moment.
Edmund sighed. "Yeah." He whispered. "I just still can't seem to keep calm when someone shouts at me."
"It's understandable Ed." Peter told him. "I've no idea what you went through when you were with the witch, but it's obviously traumatized you, it's a natural reaction, and I can only say I'm sorry for scaring you like that."
"It's alright Peter." Edmund breathed. "I'm alright now."
"Really?" Peter asked.
Edmund sighed, knowing he wasn't just talking about him being scared. "I mean, it still hurts a little, and I now feel actually quite sick, but I'm alright. I'll be fine, promise."
"Feeling sick I guess is normal." Peter said with a nod, even if he did sound worried. "But if you actually feel like you're gonna be sick, please let me know and don't do it all over me."
Edmund chuckled and glanced up at Peter, who was grinning down at him, blue eyes actually shining. "Why do your eyes do that?" He grumbled, a teasing tone to his voice.
"Do what?" Peter asked.
"They go really bright and shiny when you're happy." Edmund laughed.
"Well, at least you know when I'm happy." Peter chuckled.
Edmund nodded. "I guess." He said, a light smile spread across his face.
Peter was happy, and he was happy too.
Very, very happy.

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