Ever growing 2

Chapter 26

A week later

Excitement is in the air as Ryan and I board the flight to New York where we'll meet our friends for the weekend. Emma, Maddy, Trevor, and Sam are all meeting us there tomorrow. We're getting in early because Ryan has some interviews scheduled.

He runs to the studio while I go to the hotel to have a nap. I've been working long hours because of the new contract but also because I wanted to make sure I'd be able to go back to Montreal after the weekend. Ryan has been so supportive and doing everything he can to work on himself while treating me well. After a quick shower, I lay in bed falling asleep right away.

The phone rings, waking me up a while later. The hotel manager is telling me my husband tried to enter someone else's room and they're asking me to meet them in the lobby. Confused by the whole thing, I make my way down there. "Why is it such a big deal? He made a mistake," I'm thinking to myself.

Ryan stands there with glossy eyes stumbling when he turns to me. He's drunk. I want to die of embarrassment when the manager politely explains Ryan being drunk started banging on the wrong door scaring the old lady in the room. Security had to escort him here until they called me. I apologize over and over before dragging Ryan to our room. Luckily for him, he stays quiet until we walk in.

"Ella, I can... explain," Ryan attempts to wrap his arms around me.

"Don't touch me!" I yell walking around him to sit on the couch feeling lightheaded. "Explain!" I say once I'm sitting.

"One of the interviewers had a drinking game, I couldn't say no," he stumbles to the couch sitting next to me.

"You couldn't say no or you didn't want to say no?" I yell at him.

"Couldn't," he slurs.

Looking at him leaves me torn, I love him, I want him to get better but I also want to punch him and run away right now.

"So what am I supposed to do now? Do you know how embarrassing that was?" I'm still screaming.

"I'm ashamed too. I want to be better for you, baby!" Agony is clear in his green eyes making my anger falter, and he notices. "Ella, please, I'm sorry," his hand reaches for mine. The touch is soft, warm, familiar, instinctively, my body leans into his. My body craves him but my brain is still boiling.

"I need to run," I think as I stand up trying to walk away but his arms pull me back to him. Before I know it, I'm sitting on his lap with his hands on my body holding me tight. Feeling the static I know I need to put some space between us or we won't be able to talk seriously. "I'm sorry I won't run but please let me sit next to you," I tell him. "Why? I feel your heart thrumming fast. I want to make you feel good, babe," he brings his mouth to my neck licking it. Resisting him is a hard task but I can't let him solve this one with sex, no matter how good we are at it.

"Ryan, we need to have a real talk right now," I try to use a stern voice ignoring the pull in my stomach. His hands pull on my sweater as his mouth gets closer to my mouth. Suddenly the smell of alcohol mixed with the way his hands are roughly pulling on my sweater brings back one painful memory. Flashbacks of the night when a man tried to get his way with me in a bathroom before Ryan and my friends saved me, cloud my mind.

"Babe, stop!" I try to gently push him away. "I want you!" He whispers in my ear. The images in my brain are reminding me of how the man ripped my shirt off. Squirming under his touch with my eyes screwed shut, I try to push Ryan away again. His mouth is pressed firmly on the corner of mine filling my nose with the smell of alcohol. His hands grip my sweater pulling forcefully. The vision of the man's hands touching my breasts hits me like a ton of brick. This time, I pushed him away with full force. "Stop! Ryan! Stop! I'm scared, let me go!" Tears are rushing down my face as a stunned Ryan loosens his grip allowing me to run to the bathroom.

Once in there, I lock the door crumbling to the floor shaken by my tears. A minute later, Ryan starts banging on the door begging me to let him in. Bringing my legs to my chest, I wrap my arms around my body rocking back and forth hysterically crying. The flashbacks won't stop. I can feel his hands, his fingers hurting me, his mouth filled with the taste of beer. I've been suppressing the memory for far too long. Ryan was there for me that night, he gave me exactly what I needed at the time. But I should have talked about it in therapy.

"Ella, please talk to me, tell me what happened!" He's begging. He goes from banging to barely tapping to banging again. I hear him crying as he falls to the floor on his side of the door. "I love you, I would never hurt you, baby," he says trying to get me to open the door.

I'm craving his arms around me comforting me but I'm unable to stop the rocking and the tears rushing down my face. My brain is slowly detaching itself from my body trying to find shelter from the painful memory. I realize I've been banging my head against the door when I hear Ryan begging me to stop.

Standing up I go to the sink looking at myself in the mirror. My eyes are big and puffy stained by mascara, my lips are red, my skin is pale. I hate what I see, I feel weak. Without really thinking about it, I grab the hairdryer throwing it in the mirror. My eyes close as the glass shatters and when I open them I'm in the middle of a mess. At the same moment, Ryan busts through the door.

"What happened? Are you okay?" he runs to me but stands close afraid to touch me.

"No," My tone is emotionless.

"Can...I... ?" I see the fear in his green eyes.

"I don't know," I answer truthfully, unable to decide if my brain will reject him or not.

Carefully he takes a step closer, slowly his arms go around my body until I jerk away slightly as a flashback comes back. He drops his arms and goes to move away but my hand wraps around his arm. "Breath Ella, it's Ryan, you can trust him," I tell myself taking deep breaths.

"Can you... try... again," My voice is shaky. He looks into my eyes lifting his left hand placing it on my shoulder. Then his right one goes to my waist. Instinctively, I walk into his arms wrapping mine around him burying my face into his chest.