"Fuck!" Setting the cup back on the table I realize what I've done. I reach for her hand, after slightly jerking away she places it into mine. Her fingers are cold and shaking in my hand. I turn to look into her eyes silently telling her I'm sorry.
"Who wants more?" A girl on the other side of the table asks as she holds a bottle. I shake my head no. Ella excuses herself and goes to the bathroom instead of answering her coworker's question. "Fuck! Now she knows!"
A few minutes later, Ella sits down. I'm happy when I feel her fingers lacing through my fingers. We finally get to ordering desserts when Jake speaks again.
"Hey, it's Ella's birthday soon right? Let's get her a cake to celebrate." Everyone agrees it's a good idea before ordering cheesecake for her.
Canadians love to hug and kiss each other on special occasions, once the cake is here and everyone sings happy birthday, they come over one by one to hug and kiss my love. Of course Jake is the last one even if he's sitting right next to her.
"I hope you'll get to celebrate your birthday with people you love being treated like the queen you are," he says before he kisses her cheeks. "I'm going to punch that asshole."
"Oh, she will because I'll be with her and I treat her like a queen every day," I can't stop myself from saying before reaching for the bottle of wine. Ella clears her throat, stopping me in my tracks. She sits down to eat her cake quietly.
Right after she takes the last bite she tells everyone she's grateful but she wants to go to the hotel saying she's exhausted. I know she really wants to confront me about my actions tonight and I can't blame her. I feel like an ass. I tried not to drink for her sake but I wasn't even thinking when the wine was poured into my cup.
She stays silent on the ride home looking out the window with sad eyes. I'm trying to think of what I'll say to her. I know I need to come clean but I'm scared feeling even worse than the first time I had to come clean to her. "How did I become such a failure?" I park the car walking around to open her door. Our eyes meet but she doesn't say anything walking to the elevator.
"Why?" She turns to me as soon as we enter the suite.
"I... in Spain...Jake was getting under my skin, Steph ordered drinks. I couldn't control myself. Ella...I... Baby...," I can't seem to form a sentence anymore feeling tears rushing to my eyes.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I can hear the pain in her voice.
"Because I love you and I hate being a failure, I'm scared! I don't want you to leave me! Please tell me you won't give up on me," I take a step closer afraid she'll reject me.
"I want to help you but you keep on lying and pushing me away. You refused to facetime again, you were distant when I would try to talk to you," she's crying now.
"I'm sorry I get scared and I push you away, guess I learned from you," as soon as the words come out I regret them.
She goes to sit on the couch pulling her legs up against her chest. I turn around toward the door feeling ashamed.
"If you go through that door now, it's over." Her tone is cold but the words make me rush to her side. I won't give her another reason to want to leave me. She moves her legs welcoming me to lay my head on her lap while she runs her fingers through my hair soothing me.
"Do you have a plan?" she asks after a while.
"I will quit!" I tell her.
"No rehab?"
"I don't want to miss your birthday and the holidays. I don't want you to be mad. I can get it under control." I explain.
"I will be mad if you don't work on yourself," she growls. I move around sitting up to kiss her. I'm relieved when she kisses me back giving me a taste of her tongue.
"You still love me right?" I sound desperate because I am.
"I do. Forever. I just want you to get better. Can you hold me until I fall asleep? I have a killer headache now"
How could I deny her request? I just admitted that I fucked up again and she didn't run, giving me another chance. I bring her to bed staying on my side while we change into our nightclothes. I then reach for her when she gets under the blanket bringing her against my chest where she lays her head. My heart swells when she wraps her arm across my chest. She falls asleep while I lay awake praying to find it within me to stay sober.
YOU ARE READING
Ever growing 2
FanficSecond book. Ella and Ryan are facing new challenges forcing them to push themselves. Ryan will reveal things about himself that may rock their world. Will they make it through the hardships as a couple?
