Ever growing 2

Chapter 65

Seeing Emma and my therapist made me feel better although I still have nightmares. I begged Emma not to share this detail with Ryan. I know he called her, she couldn't hide it from me, and I didn't want him to worry about me.

I've been trying to make a list of things I could do with my life now that I'm unemployed. Surprisingly, I keep going back to Ryan's idea of me being a therapist. I even told mine about it and she said it sounds like a good idea. I started looking into what credit I would need and a program to do homeschooling. It's overwhelming yet exciting.

Feeling like I've been neglecting Maddy, I call her to catch up. She's being indecisive about her theme for the wedding. We ended up chatting for 2 hours talking about it as well as the tape made by Jake, I told Emma yesterday. Both of my friends are outraged telling me we need to make him pay. I can only rely on our lawyer but he did sound optimistic that we would win. Maddy had some work she needed to do so she got off the phone.

I made dinner but of course, I made too much. Eating alone in our apartment makes me lonely. I miss Ryan, I know I should call him but he can always read my mind even through the phone. I'm not ready to tell him about the nightmares. Always the same, him watching the tape, the agony on his face, me feeling powerless. He always ends up in my arms crying being inconsolable. My therapist suggested some pills to help but I refused. We agreed on more sessions so I can work this through for my sanity.

Max comes over to drop some items I needed from the store. I feel bad sometimes for asking him to run my errands but it kind of makes more sense than having him pick me up and drop me back at home. He sets everything on the table for me. "Thank you so much, Max! You're amazing," I tell him. "Just doing my job, Ella. But it's always a pleasure to help you," He smiles. "Oh, I made lasagna, would you like to bring some to the hotel? You have a microwave there, right?" I offer and see him hesitate. "I'm not sure... Ry...Umm okay sure, thanks," he says quickly. "What were you going to say about Ryan?" I ask. "No..Nothing," he stutters. "Tell me!" I insist. "I'm just not sure if he would appreciate me accepting your home cooking... I guess," He looks down. "What did he say to you?" I ask. "Ella, I don't want to get in trouble. I'm sure if I tell you he's going to know I said something. I love working for you so can we just ignore what I said?" He's pleading with me. "Just tell me, was he rude about whatever it is he said?" I stare at him. "No," I can tell he's telling the truth. I do like having Max around and he's right, I would confront my husband which could turn bad for Max. Part of me knows Ryan is only trying to keep me safe. Following recent events, I see why he's protective. As long as he wasn't rude, I will let it slide. "Max, take the lasagna. If Ryan ever says anything mean or inappropriate, I want you to tell me. Technically, he's your boss but I won't allow him to be disrespectful to you or Cooper. Can you promise me that?" I tell him. "I promise. Thank you for being so kind, I hope you know I appreciate it." His cheeks turn red. We walk to the door before saying good night.

I grab my phone to call Ryan, he picks up on the first ring. "Baby!" he says, excitedly. "Hi, are you busy?" I ask. "Never too busy for my sexy wife," I can picture him licking his lips. Realizing I never told him how my last day at work went, I give him the details. He asks how I've been and I can tell he's being careful with his words. I'm honest but I refrain from telling him about the nightmares. I also apologize for being distant and explain that I was in a dark space. He makes me promise to be more open in the future. We must communicate even if it's to ask for some alone time. He sounds very excited about his new role, especially the training part. "One more day before I come home, babe! Are you done with your period?" He whispers the last part which makes me laugh. "I am yes," I smile into the phone. "You should touch yourself for me. Actually. Don't!" he chuckles. "What? Why not?" I laugh. "Because I want to feel you and make you come, over and over again. So let's build the anticipation. You'll be wet and ready for me, right, baby?" His voice sounds so sexy, his accent always turns me on. "Ryan, hearing you talk dirty makes me wet right now," I breathe into the phone. "Ella, I'm so hard for you, I can't wait to get my hands on you," He moans and I know what he's doing. "Baby, stop! If I'm not allowed, you're not either! No pouting!" I laugh. In an attempt to control our impulses, I tell him about my conversation with Maddy about her wedding. Soon he has to get off the phone so he can be up early for training. Sadness resonates in his voice as he tells me good night.

I slept like a baby all night having x-rated dreams instead of the nasty nightmares. Had I known speaking to Ryan would chase them away, I would have called him earlier. I spent the next day doing some more research and found an online school to help me become a therapist. I totally forgot to tell him about it and I'm sure he'll be happy. I called him again before going to bed, I wanted to make sure I'd have a good night of sleep.