Ever growing 2

Chapter 27 Ryan's POV

My heart is still racing from taking the door down after I heard the glass shattering. I got so scared she would try to hurt herself. Finally able to hold her after what just happened is a blessing. We're both shaken by our sobs holding onto each other tightly. The whole thing sobered me up very quickly.

I slowly bring my hands to the back of her thighs hoping she'll let me pick her up. I'm relieved when her arms go around my neck pulling herself. I walk to the couch sitting down with her straddling me, her face hidden in the crook of my neck. Her body is trembling under my touch but her sobs come to a stop. I want her to say something but when she doesn't I can't stop myself from asking.

"Baby, why were you scared of me?" I say softly in her ear.

"I don't... want to tell you," she whispers.

"But, Ella, I need to know so I don't ever do it again," I plead with her.

"You... I... Promise me something..." she whispers again. I bring my hands to her shoulders moving her so I can look into her eyes. "Don't feel bad or blame yourself for what I'm about to say, I mean it, no fucking drinking because of it!" she growls at me.

"I promise," I'm ashamed she even has to ask.

"I... when you tried to pull on... my sweater," she looks down, her body shaking. "I...Um... got a flashback of..." I feel her breaking under my fingers.

It clicks in my brain, I got rough trying to undress her. I feel the bile rising in my throat, my heart racing, my head is spinning. She doesn't mind rough sex sometimes but me being drunk must have reminded her of that night when the man abused her. I was drunk, unable to think clearly only thinking about my cock that was getting hard having her luscious body in my arms. There's always that spark between us that's hard to ignore when I'm sober let alone when I'm drunk. "What the fuck did I do? Why do I keep on messing things up?"

"Ryan! No!" she shakes my shoulders bringing me back to her.

"I'm so sorry. I wasn't trying to be rough or hurt you," tears prick at my eyes.

"I know it's just the whole situation, your breath reminded me of... and then I started having flashbacks and... I... " she trails off taking a deep breath before continuing. "But you will not drink because of it, it's not your fault. Making love after it happened that night followed by you telling me you love me was amazing. I will ALWAYS cherish the moment. But I should have dealt with it in therapy." She crashes her lips on mine. Automatically mine move in sync with hers but then she pulls away. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have kissed you." moving off my lap, she sits down on the couch.

"I will text everyone, you can stay if you wish," She suddenly says.

"What do you mean I can stay? Where are you going?" I'm confused.

"Home, Montreal," she stands up.

"What? Why? We just got here." Now panic takes over thinking she might be trying to run from me or even leaving me. Tears run on my cheeks and my head starts spinning again.

"I know but I need to have a therapy session." She's still standing there.

"Ella, I can't live without you." I sound dramatic but I'm emotional and scared.

"What? I'm not asking you to live without me. I'm just saying I had a huge breakdown so I need to take care of it. If you want to hang out with our friends, you can, but I need to go. Besides, I am still pissed you got drunk." Her eyes burn into mine.

"It's your birthday, they're all coming for you. I didn't want to ruin it, baby! Please stay, I'll go with you on Monday. I'll look for another center for therapy." I try to convince her.

"No, I can't wait. My birthday isn't that important. But yes, you should find a center."

Reaching for her hands I pull her to me bringing her back to sit on my lap. She looks into my eyes and what I see frightens me. Her eyes are cold, her body isn't molding itself to mine like it usually does.

"Now I'm scared," I say truthfully.

"Why are you scared?"

"I feel like you're saying goodbye and you don't want me anymore," I get choked up saying it out loud.

"I am not saying goodbye. Why are you even thinking I could stop loving you? I promised to love you forever. I just need to take care of myself and I'm hoping you will do the same," Her eyes warm up giving me hope.

"Okay, I'm coming with you. I can't leave you alone. I know I'm being needy but I love you!"

"Ryan, I love you! We need to take care of ourselves to be better together now," she says.

After talking to our friends apologizing for everything and wishing them a great weekend, we head back to the airport. All their expenses will be covered by us. Feels like Deja Vu with Ella giving me the impression she's miles away from me. I can't be mad at her after the damage I've caused especially after ruining her birthday celebrations.

With her headphones on, she sleeps as usual but this time she doesn't rest her head on my shoulder. Feeling needy again, I take her hand, she doesn't fight me lacing her fingers through mine. "Fuck fuck fuck! I need to do something to make it up to her!"