Ever growing 2

Chapter 11 Ryan's POV

A week later

Knowing I did well today makes me feel good until I walk into my room. "Fuck! I miss her." My hand grabs a beer before dropping on the couch. Of course, a fucking crime show is on, fuck me. I drink the beer but then I remember her crying after I got home drunk. I hated myself for making her upset. I still hate myself now. "I'm going to quit drinking tomorrow," I promise myself while grabbing my second one.

By the fourth one, I feel numb. She's been asking me to Facetime ever since I left which I've been avoiding not wanting her to see me like this. I know she's getting suspicious from all my bullshit excuses for not showing my face. First, it was me being tired or the lighting was bad on set even though I was in my room. As if she knows what I'm thinking about, she sends me a request. I can't keep avoiding her anymore, I pick up.

"Hey, babe," I say, trying to act normal.

"Hey, how are you?"

"I'm tired, you?" I go to take a sip stopping myself before she sees the bottle.

"You don't have to hide it, I know you're drinking."

"Sorry, I was just having a beer, it's been a long day." I fear her reaction.

"You don't have to be sorry, I just said not to get drunk while I'm worried sick at home! You can have a beer after work." She doesn't know I've been having more than A BEER every fucking day but I won't tell her.

"You look beautiful!" I say meaning it but also trying to avoid talking about my beer intake.

"Thank you! So umm babe, I wanted to go see you but I have to go to Calgary. We're opening a new office there and they need me." She looks apprehensive.

"How long will you be there for?"

"At least a week but I don't know for sure yet. Are you mad?" Her eyes are so sad.

"No, just missing you. You have to deal with my schedule so I can't be mad. I want to kiss you!"

"I miss you more! When are you wrapping up?"

"In two weeks."

"I can't wait to see you." She's holding Nala, her lion. I wish I was holding her.

After talking for a few more minutes, we hung up so she could go to bed. Reaching for another beer because I kind of lost the buzz after talking to her, I climbed in bed. I've mastered drinking before bed but still waking up sober and doing my job well. It's kind of a blessing and a curse. Part of me feels bad but part of me is proud of being able to hide my shit really well. Two more weeks until I see her again. Reminds me that I have to quit drinking so much, I know Ella won't tolerate it. She might have said I could drink sometimes, but if she knew what my routine is like, she'd kick my ass.

"I'm not like I'm an alcoholic, I just need to drink less!" I tell myself, finishing the one I started a minute ago. Rolling around, her shirt on my pillow, I crash for the night.

We had a short schedule the next day. A couple of cast members decided to go out for dinner so I joined them. The waitress puts a beer in front of me after Peter, one of my co-stars, said he was buying for everyone. "Well, I guess I can have one, just one." I think to myself not wanting to attract attention to me by refusing the beer.

Peter comes up to me later asking about Isabelle. Confused by his question since everyone knows about the accident, I simply say she's not easy to work with.

"No, I meant how is she in bed?" he asks.

"Wait, what?" I stare at him.

"She told me you guys hooked up. Come on I know you're married now and I must add, Ella is hot! But you can tell me!" He laughs.

"What the fuck? I never touched her! She tried to get in my pants but I wouldn't let her!" I'm livid.

"Chill man! I believe you, we all know how she is. I'd still fuck her though." he smirks thinking about it I'm assuming.

"Go right ahead, but so that you know, she's insane." I walk away from him. Angry, I decided to leave the restaurant.

No more beers in my room so I grab the vodka I had bought when I got back here and take a shot. "What the fuck has she been saying?" I'm debating calling her or not. "What would I say?" I'm sure she'd either deny it or try to convince me that I should be with her. I'm debating telling Ella about it. I fear Isabelle would start rumors online using a fake account but I also fear Ella's reaction. Why am I such a wuss lately? I love her and I know she loves me so why am I always afraid. I feel guilty all the time. Isabelle better not mess with Ella again or things will get very ugly. After a few more shots I kind of forget what I was mad about falling asleep on the couch.