Ever growing 2

Chapter 33 Ryan's POV

2 weeks later

"How are you today?" Mitch asks me, sitting down on the chair next to mine.

"I feel like crap! I wish I could talk to Ella."

"You've been doing well so far don't you think?"

"I know but I miss her today even more than usual." I let out a loud sigh.

"I get it. Just don't take your eyes off the prize here." He squeezes my shoulder.

After a minute of silence, the rest of the group enters the room for our session. Twirling a piece of lint in between my fingers I get lost in my thoughts instead of listening to their stories. I remember last New Year's Eve we went to her mother's place before going back to our flat in a hurry to ravish each other. As soon as we walked in, we started undressing which led to us having sex in every room of the flat. She was insatiable that night, wild and loud. Although I can't deny that our sex life is something important for us both, I just wish I could see her today. Even just for a minute, one hug is all I need to keep going.

"Ryan?" Mitch calls my name pulling me from my thoughts.

"Sorry, what?"

"Did you want to share any memory of your childhood with us?"

"Fuck, no... I mean... not today," I shake my head.

The session finally ends and I see Mitch coming my way. I expect him to try and get me to talk about my childhood now that we're alone but instead, he says he has a surprise for me. Curious, I follow him to his office. He informs me that I got special permission because I've been doing well and he doesn't want me to have any setback. He asks me to sit on a chair and wait for him. My hands are sweaty, nervous to see what he has in store for me. Then the door opens and he walks back in with an envelope. Handing it to me, I take it and open it.

A beautiful shot of Ella is on top of a pile of pictures. Her picture was taken at Maddy's house, she's wearing a green sweater and jeans, her makeup is simple yet beautiful. Her long brown hair is straight falling on her shoulders. She's smiling but the twinkle in her eyes is missing. I try not to dwell on the detail. I then look at pictures of my mum, dad, and grandparents. Pictures of Maddy, Sam, Emma, Trevor, and my other friends from London are also included. Then I see a card that contains messages from everyone.

"You can read the card in your room if you want privacy," Mitch says.

"Thank you! I needed that. It's brilliant!" I say going back to Ella's picture.

Once I'm in my room I read the card. Everyone is wishing me Happy New Year saying they know it'll be a good one for me. Ella wrote on the back of the card.

Dear Ryan,

I miss you so much but I'm proud of you for doing what is needed for your happiness. I hope you know that you've always been my rock, my motivation to be a better woman, my strength to push through my issues. I now want to return the favor and ask you to allow me to be your rock when you need it. I know that you will find it within yourself to be stronger but I want you to remember we are a team. We will forever support and love each other. I can't wait to see you, hug you, kiss you and...

Love you forever

Ella xoxo

Her sweet message brings a smile to my lips but also tears to my eyes. The love I have for her really grows every day. Reading all the messages over and over does make me feel better giving me the motivation to keep going. So many people have faith in me and will be there to help me on this life journey. I now realize it won't be an easy fix, I will battle it every single day for the rest of my life but I'm ready. Looking at the clock I see it's 7 PM meaning all sessions for the day are now done. I make my way to Mitch's office.

"Hi, can I talk to you?" I say after knocking on his door.

"Of course, have a seat."

"Could alcoholism be hereditary?" I ask him without wasting time.

"Yes, why are you asking?"

"My dad, biological dad. He's a drunk." I suddenly feel anger creeping in.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Mitch asks softly.

"It's a long story..." I trail off fisting my hands to my side.

"I have time."

Two hours later I still can't get the words out. I told Mitch about my father being a drunk which led to my mum kicking him out when I was just a kid. My mum has always been a strong independent woman who wasn't going to put up with his lies. She remarried the man that I now consider my father but I still can't talk about what happened with my dad. Mitch finally tells me we can try again later if I wish. Even after getting to my room and sitting in front of a sheet, I can only write one word. Killer.