Ever growing 2

Chapter 36

The next day I see a vase with flowers on my desk. The card reads: Have a nice day, Jake xo. Immediately my stomach turns feeling uneasy. Throwing the card away, I pick up the vase and bring it to the receptionist telling her to do whatever she wants with it. Waking up without Ryan, without being able to talk to him, without knowing how he's doing already put me in a bad mood, the flowers were the icing on the cake for today. I then focus on my daily task hoping I can relax and be productive. I finish my project but I decided not to share the news yet hoping that will take the pressure off my shoulders. My stress level goes up when Mr. Samuels asks me to meet him in his office.

He goes on and on about me being a great asset to our company, he's really proud of all my work. But then he asks a question that surprises me.

"How do you feel about Jake?" He stares into my eyes.

"Well, he's knowledgeable but," I look down unsure if I should open up about how I truly feel. I gave Jake his position and I worry that it'll look bad on my judgment.

"You can tell me, we noticed the tension between him, you and Ryan." Mr. Samuels surprises me again.

"I didn't want it to be an issue but I think Jake is...umm... jealous maybe. I didn't talk about it because I was trying to keep it professional but if you noticed..." I trail off.

"It was quite obvious at the restaurant, has Jake been out of line with you?"

"He has, yes," I admit looking down at my hands feeling ashamed.

"We will not tolerate the behavior, can you think of someone else who could replace him or should we hire someone new?" Mr. Samuels' eyes are sympathetic as he asks.

"We should hire someone I think, I can let you choose the candidate if you think it'll be better, I'm sorry,"

"You have nothing to be sorry about Ella! I'm sure you didn't know Jake would be problematic. Now for your safety, I will ask you to leave the office for the day while I break the news to him." He gives me a small smile and I nod before exiting the office, gathering my purse and phone and getting an Uber to the hotel.

I finally text my friends to let them know what happened. We're all relieved with him getting fired but they remind me I should block him from all social media. Slowly, my heart rate goes back down knowing I won't have to see him anymore. The fact that I have the rest of the day off is also a great stress reliever since my project has already been completed.

After seeing all the snow outside, I decided to have a warm bath. Being in a tub without Ryan feels strange, I usually shower when he's not around. I wonder what he's doing right now, I assume he has therapy sessions. I never really looked into what the whole program does, Carly did say he would have sessions and get help but I still don't know what a typical day is like for him. He barely talked about his two weeks at the other center. Sam's words about Ryan's father have been stuck in my brain, his attitude gave me the impression that it was something really bad. I've been wondering how to approach Ryan about it not knowing if it's something he even wants to share with me. I'm hoping he does because I would like to be able to understand what led him to drink so much. Thinking about the past year and a half, I realize that me seeing Ryan as someone stable and strong might have put pressure on him. He has been that way but what we went through with Isabelle, the accident and the whole pregnancy episode couldn't have been easy on him with me expecting him to just bounce back. I knew he was sad but I never thought about him needing help to move on. A feeling of guilt grows in my stomach as tears run down my cheeks. "I've been selfish!" My body starts shaking as I choke on my tears feeling the lump in my throat. I don't know how long I've been in that state when I talk myself into taking deep breaths to calm down. I don't even bother having dinner before going to bed exhausted. My dreams are filled with a sad 10-year-old Ryan begging me to help him.