Ever growing 2

Chapter 32

A Christmas song is playing when I open my eyes. I normally love Christmas songs but I'm not in the spirit at all right now. I stretch out before making my way to the shower. The water feels nice on my sore body but it doesn't help my mind that's still coming up with different theories of what happened to Ryan when he was a child. I then work on doing my hair and makeup knowing Maddy's parents are coming over later. I would normally go all out with glitters for Christmas but I'm not in the mood today so I apply a soft brown all over my lids. I do put on the traditional red lip for the occasion.

"Your makeup looks... pretty," Maddy tries to compliment me but she's not fooling me.

"I tried to put some effort into it, I'm sorry. I can go out until your parents leave if you wish?"

"Are you crazy? I won't let you spend the day alone!" She scoffs at me.

Emma got on Facetime with us to ask how I'm doing. I lied saying I was fine but they both saw through my bullshit. Trevor was also around wishing us a Merry Christmas before they opened the gifts I sent them before we got here. Ryan and I got a new laptop for Emma because hers was ancient and some games for Trevor. They're both very happy with their presents. Trevor tries to crack a few jokes to make me laugh, I smile to make him feel better but I'm sure they could tell I was faking it. Maddy's parents being on their way, we get off the phone to set the table.

Plastering yet another fake smile on my face I welcome her parents before helping Maddy with dinner. Sam works on the turkey while we fix some hors d'oeuvres and salad. Her mother brought cake and pastries for dessert.

I end up in the kitchen by myself as I put the finishing touch to our plate of cheese and crackers. A memory of last Christmas with Ryan where we were alone in his parents' kitchen and he decided to remind me that I was the best thing that has ever happened to him before kissing me. Of course, our hands were all over each other within seconds. His mother eventually came to check on us which made Ryan laugh because I turned bright red. "Don't cry!" Maddy rushes to me for a hug. I hadn't even realized I was crying. Grabbing a tissue she helps me dry my tears. "I guess it's a good thing you didn't wear glitters, it would have been a mess!" She tries to make me laugh, I pull a half-smile for her. We bring the last plates to the table where her parents and Sam are already sitting.

"Oh! Hunny, I'm glad you're here and not home, all alone." Kathy says squeezing my hand.

"Thank you for welcoming me to crash your dinner," I smile at her.

Maddy's dad gets into a conversation with Sam which takes the focus off of me. Trying to blend in, I fix myself a plate, eating to avoid talking. Dessert is then served, again, I take a piece of vanilla cake to avoid talking even though I'm not hungry.

Moving to the living room to open presents, I sit on the couch next to Sam and Maddy. Her parents were sweet and got me a gift card to Sephora. Maddy and Sam got me a pair of tickets for a Justin Bieber concert in Minneapolis. "Cute, you guys wanted to make sure I'd come back for a visit?" I tease them. Maddy opens Ryan and I's gift, the newest iPhone. We bought Sam new football gear that he kept on talking about. Ryan and I also planned a trip for all of us to go to Greece next year since we blew my birthday weekend. We figured it'd be a nice surprise for them but I don't want to give it to them without Ryan. We will find an occasion for Emma, Trevor, Maddy, Sam, Ryan, and I to gather in the new year so we can surprise them together.

Feeling sad from missing Ryan I excuse myself telling everyone goodnight before retreating to my room. With Nala on my side, I attempt to write in my journal but I can't find the words. I can't help feeling bad for him having to spend Christmas away from me and his loved ones even if I know it's for his own good. I send prayers for him to find the strength to complete the treatment and get back to me.