Ever growing 2

Chapter 30

"Where did you sleep?" I ask. I was worried about him all night but I refused to call him.

"In the car," His voice cracks.

"Good," I was scared he'd try to drive somewhere while being drunk.

"Can we talk?"

Moving to sit at our kitchen table I pull a chair for him to sit. He takes a seat while still holding his breath.

"Talk, I'm listening."

"Okay... I'm sorry," He looks at me and I see he really means it. "I was frustrated and Trevor was drinking and I wanted one so bad, I gave in." he rambles.

"Why were you frustrated?" I demand.

"The no sex rule had me on edge."

"So I really do bring out the worst in you huh?" I sigh.

"What? No, you don't! Why would you even say that?" He takes my hand in his.

"Let's see, I get pregnant, you start drinking. I lose the baby, you drink even more. My coworker starts harassing me, you start drinking again, I ask you not to have sex for a week. Guess what? You get home drunk! Maybe I should just leave you, give you the chance to find someone better for you," tears are running on my cheeks.

"Ella enough of the nonsense! I love you, baby, look at me," he says when I look down. "I am the problem here and I will fix myself for you. If you leave me I won't survive. You're my "forever". You make me happy, you mean the world to me. The way your eyes smile, your hands fit perfectly in mine, your voice brings me happiness. Don't ever think we're not meant to be!" he then pulls me to sit on his lap letting me cry into his chest.

He reaches for his phone and calls Laura requesting she finds him a treatment center as soon as possible. She calls him back saying he has to be at the center in Minneapolis on the twenty-second of December which is two days from now and right before Christmas. I honestly don't care about the holidays right now. I'm only asking for him to get better.

The next two days are spent with us just staying home trying to enjoy each other but there is tension between us. Neither of us seemed to know how to act about our intimate life. We did cuddle and kiss but nothing more.

The night before we were scheduled to fly to Minneapolis, I went out to run an errand. I got worried when he didn't reply to my text asking if I should bring sushi or pizza for dinner only to get home with pizza and find him sitting on the couch with a beer in his hand.

I walk to the couch slowly until I'm standing right in front of him. I see a 6pack of beer on the floor on top of the one he's holding but I notice it's still unopened. My heart is racing as he looks up into my eyes. Frozen still I don't know what to say or do. "Help me," he whispers. Without even thinking twice I rip the bottle off his hand and send it flying to the wall. He lets out a sigh of relief. Reaching for the other bottles I do the same thing, each one crashing with a loud bang into the wall, glass shattering everywhere. I then stormed off to our bedroom closing the door behind me. Reaching for my headphones I listen to music as I pack my suitcase for tomorrow. Maddy invited me to spend Christmas with her and Sam at their house in Minnesota. She promised not to be mad at me for not being joyous. I'm almost done when Ryan knocks at the door.

"Can I come in?" he asks in a small voice.

"You can," I move the suitcase from his side of the bed.

Packing his suitcase in silence he then takes off his shirt and pants as I change into my white fuzzy pajamas. I see him staring at me but I know he's afraid to come closer. He walks back to the bed jumping in. I go to my side, grab my pillow, and walk to the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Couch," I walk out of the room.

I see that he cleaned the mess I've made, probably out of guilt. Part of me wants to run back to the room and make love. I won't see him for a month but I'm hoping tonight gives him the motivation to take the treatment seriously. I settle down on the couch falling asleep from exhaustion from the emotional stress I've been living in the past few weeks. I now realize I've been on edge always worried about him.

Ryan's cooking wakes me up. He brings me breakfast without a word. I'm still upset he thought about drinking last night even if he didn't. The time comes for us to head to the airport. We've been silent and distant since last night. I settle down on my seat by the window while he puts our carry-ons away. Taking his seat he puts his headphones on. I sneak my hand into his lacing my fingers with his long fingers. He turns to me with glossy eyes, I squeeze his hand. He never lets go of my hand until he has to stand up and get the carry-ons again after we land.