Lead With The Worst of Me ~ A Treebros Fanfic (ConnorxEvan)

~23~

Evans POV

Fuck fuck fuck what have I done?

God, you're so stupid how could that have ever helped anything?  

I don't know whether I should be running after Connor or getting ice for Jared. I just don't know what to do.

Fuck.

I hear Zoe calling his name downstairs.

It's probably too late to run after him anyway. With those long boi legs I'd never catch up to him.

Jared is lying in front of me, wincing in pain.

"Shit. Aah," he groans.

"I'msosorryJared,thisisallmyfault. I-I don't kn-know what I w-was thinking, a-are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Aah. Jesus. And it wasn't your fault."

"B-but it was, I d-don't know wh-why I k-kissed you I-I wasn't think-thinking straight. I'm s-sorry."

"Don't apologize. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want it. And even if I got a black eye, it was worth it for you."

What?

"Look Jared, th-that was a-a mistake. O-Okay? A-A big mistake. I-I shouldn't h-have done it-it and I-I'm with C-Connor." 

I pause. "...was w-with Connor."

"Oh," he says. 

Zoe and Alana walk into the room. 

"What the hell happened?" Zoe asks.

I don't know what to say. If I tell her the truth, she'll beat me up, but I guess I deserve that. 

"I'm s-s-so sorry." That's the only thing I can say right now.

Her eyes shift back and forth between me and Jared. She furrows her eyebrows with a look that feels like she's staring through me. I squirm. 

I know she knows what I did. 

She doesn't say anything, she doesn't move. Only her eyes fixed on me. 

I can feel every bit of shame she's glaring onto me. My entire body aches.

"Get out," she says in a low voice, almost a whisper. 

I don't try to explain, or wait a beat before I get up and leave, tears forming in my eyes. Jared follows me out the front door. 

We walk down the driveway in silence for a few seconds before Jared opens his mouth. 

"Evan, listen-"

"No you listen, Jared!" I shout through tears. "W-why the hell d-d-did you have to do that?"

Jared looks at me, hurt. "I thought we-"

"NO, you DIDN'T THINK, did you?" I don't let him finish. "And neither did I, and now everything is fucked up."

"You're the one who kissed me! I didn't make you do that. You just fucked it up for yourself. I only kissed back because I thought you wanted it. And because I wanted it, and for five seconds I got a moment of happiness to finally kiss you, letting myself believe that you like me and not him."

"I-I love him."

"Then why did you kiss me?" He shouts back.

"I DON'T KNOW." My voice is strained, my face red and puffy now. It hurts. 

"I d-d-don't know," I repeat, softer. 

What was I thinking? Did I somehow like Jared too? 

No, he's just my friend. I really don't know why I kissed him, I just would have done anything to make him feel better in that moment and I didn't want to let him down. 

"Well Evan, then let me know when you figure yourself out."

He turns his back to me and walks away, bringing his hand up to his bruised eye.

God, I know he was right. I fucked it up for myself. As always. And I have no fucking clue how to fix it.

A/N: Hey gays! So uh, it's been a while... Like two years.. but I found this chapter that I'd started and never posted so I  thought I might as well just finish it up. Enjoy! 

You might need to read a couple chapters back for context. Hope you folks are doing well. I might do another chapter or two to resolve things for some closure lmao, we'll see. 

Stay Gay! :)