Luxuria's Darkness

Chapter 18: Confessions.

Sophia woke up early. She had to finish her assignment, and also to read more of Jasmine's journal. Last night was a bit weird, she practiced in silence with Jimin, and she didn't knew if she should be grateful or upset. She was glad that he told her she already learned half of choreography and the rest of it she learned it from Rachel. Yoongi didn't spoke to her either, though she knew he saw her. Maybe he changed his mind and no longer wanted to be her friend, she was used to it anyway, though she had no clue why he bothered putting on a show. She was thankful she didn't had another interaction with Jin. She wasn't exactly scared of him, she mostly tried to think from his perspective. Sophia couldn't exactly pin point what he felt, as she never had feelings for another person, she did have a celebrity crush, but it wasn't real and that doesn't count.

She finished her assignment, sent her boss an e-mail and requested a few days off, of course her boss agreed almost immediately. She could sense her boss didn't like her that much, she was fine with that, she didn't actually cared that much. All she wanted was to do her job the best she could, she wasn't looking for friends. She remembered what her high school teacher told her at some point, that she would die surrounded by cats if she went on like that. Sophia shrugged, she would rather die alone than spend her life surrounded by people who brought the worst in her, and she wasn't going to change that. Settling for less than what she deserved wasn't something she was willing to do.

She opened Jasmine's diary and skipped to the part she wrote about dating Jin.

Hoseok told me I'm really good, which makes me want to jump out of my body straight to heaven. Imagine your idol telling you that you are really good. I can't even control how happy I am, I could almost burst out. To make matter worse, I have my first date with Jin. I really like him, but I don't know if it's a good idea going out with him. The other day he came in the back to look for me, and some of the girls weren't too happy. They said I'm an opportunist and I'm using him for his money. This is heartbreaking for me. I do like him, he's so nice, and sweet. You should hear the jokes he tells. Only thinking about how goofy he can be, and I'm on the floor laughing my ass off. He's sweet and caring, and treats everyone so nice, he's so down to earth. Why would someone think that money would be the only reason I could be interested in him? They clearly don't have eyes. Anyways, I'm going out with him, I hope it goes well, I'm so nervous. My heart beats way too fast. Even if it works out or not, I'm going to work even harder to prove I belong on that stage, doing otherwise would disappoint Hoseok, and I don't want that.

Sophia shook her head. Jasmine definitely saw a better version of Jin. That Jin, was somewhere buried deep down. She wondered what will it take to bring him out again. She swept the page once again, and Jasmine wrote about her date.

Jin was the perfect gentleman. He picked me up, brought me flowers, and made a reservation to a beautiful restaurant. It was an amazing night. The food was delicious, and he was just perfect. We talked all night about our hopes and dreams, about the future, it was magical. He is such an amazing human being, I can't believe he likes me back. We took a long walk under the stars, holding hands, it felt like I was in a romance movie. He made me feel special, he made me feel like a princess. I don't think I deserve him. Compared to him, I'm ordinary, compared to the girls that are chasing him, I'm a plain old rag doll. I don't know. When he brought me home, he kissed me on the cheeks. Was it wrong for me to want more? I didn't do anything though, I want to be sure that what I'm feeling is real before I plunge into a relationship with him. It will take a while, I think. I don't know how others would feel. I'm not sure I could tell my family either. I guess I'll have to wait and see. This whole thing makes me depressed. There are too many invariables, too many unknowns. Whatever, I'll see what future holds.

It was clear for Sophia that Jasmine was struggling with how she felt and at the same time, thinking about what was best for her. She couldn't stop feeling guilty. If it weren't for her, maybe her sister's future wouldn't have been ruined, she wouldn't have met Jin, and she would still be safe. Sophia turned the page and was surprised to see it passed almost a month since she wrote in her diary, which made her think, writing in her journal was not a regular thing, especially since she started writing first when she walked in Luxuria, thing that she found weird, but in the end, who knew what Jasmine was thinking.

I haven't written in so long, I didn't have the time. I know it may sound weird, I just want to write everything that happens so I can tell Soph how happy I am. I admitted my feelings towards Jin, and I was honestly surprised when he told me he cared about me. He didn't actually said he loved me, but to be honest, that would be way too soon. I've thrown myself into work so others won't think I go out with him for his money, that would be weird for me. Most of the girls already hate me, more so Melanie. I swear to god sometimes I so want to slap her to another dimension, but mom wouldn't be proud of me, so I mostly ignore her ass. I got a friend in there, so that's what matters to me. I met Rachel like two months ago, she was in a bus station and poor thing, she was so sad, it broke my heart. I talked a lot with her that day, she told me she was doing a job as a sex worker to put some money aside, because her ex threw her out, invented some nasty stories about her, and he took her son away from her to punish her. I couldn't leave her like that, knowing her story she deserved a chance. I talked to Jin and Hoseok, and they gladly hired her. I'm so happy I was able to take her out of the streets, it's so unsafe these days, even I'm scared, and I don't get scared that easily. So now, Rachel is my only friend. I also know that Melanie talks about me behind my back and that Rachel, I think she even slapped her for that, I don't want Rachel to be in trouble because of me, or that moron Melanie. Anyway, Jin is the most amazing boyfriend I ever had. He always surprises me with chocolate boxes and roses, and he treats me and others with respect. I think he does loves me in his own way. He even brought up the meet the parents talk I don't really want to do that, we're not at the same level, and I don't think his parents will like me too much, I have nothing to offer to him. Hoseok scolded me yesterday, he said I push myself too much. I think he is right. I'm constantly tired and I feel out of practice, not matter how hard I train. If I keep this long, I don't think he will allow me on the stage. I miss Soph, I haven't seen her in days. It makes me sad to think she doesn't have anyone in her life. I should set up a date with her and Yoongi, or better, Taehyung. We'll see. Tae is such a positive guy, while Yoongi is more of a loner type, I'm not sure which one would suit her better, I'll have to dig that deeper. Shit, I'm late, I have to go.

Sophia started laughing. She couldn't picture herself in a relationship with Yoongi. She didn't doubt he was a nice guy, but he was too quiet for her. She tried to picture themselves together, on a Sunday afternoon, she would read a book, and he, she shrugged, what would he do, stare at her? She didn't even know him. She would rather like to think of him like her best friend, although she had a feeling that ship has sailed. Taehyung was indeed a positive guy, but could she really be with someone who was constantly happy? She couldn't remember the last time she was truly happy. Thinking about her non existent love life, brought memories of her shared dinner with Jimin. Well, yeah, he was a guy she would consider dating if they weren't in such a mess. She realized it was getting late and she rapidly changed and ran to work.