ELECTRICITY ━━ gilbert blythe

22. hateful heritage

CHAPTER TWENTY TWO:
HATEFUL HERITAGE

"I'm scared, Violet."

Anne's green eyes bore into hers, trembling and deep and wound with emotion. "What if– my parents- I-"

"Breathe, Anne," Violet said soothingly. "None of this information will change your current life. You are still Anne Shirley Cuthbert. You know who you are, okay?"

"You're– you're right," Anne whimpered, before opening the worn out book. Tears dripped down her chin like ambrosia, as she wept upon reading the results.

"Hey," Violet put her hand over Anne's, "Listen to me. It's okay. It's okay. You can tell me. I'm here every step of the way, Anne."

"My parents are dead," Anne sobbed, but her eyes lit up as she spoke once more, "And I'm from Scotland!"

Violet smiled, as Anne hugged her warmly. "I'm proud of you for making it so far," She said, blue eyes glistening with joy.

"Thank you for everything you've done, Violet," Anne expressed. "Truly, no one would've gone to the lengths you have for this."

For me.

The unsaid words burned into Violet's brain.

"Uh- of course," Violet said, "I mean, we do need a good grade after all."

She needed to get away from Anne. Run away from her as fast as she could. Because she did not want to feel that way again. Not now, not ever. She was happy but being near Anne, so intimately—

It was too much.

"Anne," Violet said when the ferry docked. "I cant be friends with you."

"What?" Anne said softly, "But why? Did I do something wrong? I'm so sorry, if you could just tell me what I did and I'll be better I promise I don't want to hurt you that was never my intention I—"

"No," Violet interrupted. "It's too hard, Anne. My life is good right now. Really good. Seeing you, being close to you brings up something in me that I'm not willing to go back to."

"You have feelings for me?" Anne asked. "You do, don't you? That's why it's too hard."

"I didn't say that." Violet said defensively, "It's hard because while I loved our relationship, it made me feel so guilty. Even being near you as a friend feels so... wrong."

"Because I like girls?" Anne questioned. At Violet's silence, her tone grew harder. "Let's not forget how we spent hours kissing. Touching. You enjoyed it, a lot. Or was that a lie too? Wake up, Violet. You like girls too. Or at least, you liked me. If being near me makes you uncomfortable, then maybe it's because you're in denial."

"I don't know what to say." A fleeting whisper escaped from Violet's lips.

"Just reflect on this, okay?" Anne's eyes softened. "I know coming to terms with who and what you like is difficult. Just don't project your insecurities on me, please.Vi, you can like both girls and guys."

"Really?" Violet's eyes widened.

"It's called Bisexuality," Anne explained slowly. "Who you are and who you like is fluid, Violet. Only you get to define yourself. Nothing is completely black or completely white. Embrace the grey area, Violet. Own it."

And she would.

Anne was correct. Violet did have a lot of growing to do.

—

" DEAR DANA,

I love you. I miss you. How have you been?

I'm having a bit of a crisis. Not a crisis per se, but also a crisis. I don't know. I'm confused. About who I am. Who I like. I know I'm in love with Gilbert, but I also know I used to be in love with Anne.

Was Anne a phase? Was it something more? Am I only with Gilbert because society dictates that I'm supposed to be with a man? Okay, wait, let me reflect.

Gilbert Blythe. I love him. It's the type of love that allows you to float, and to breathe and reverberate into yourself. Allow the echoes of yourself to embrace your soul. He makes me feel so vibrant, Dana. And he's perfect. He's always there for everything. He helps me embrace the dark parts of me, and he's so beautiful. More beautiful than the sky and the stars and everything in between the Earth and the Sun. He's my forever, Dana. I don't want to lose him ever.

It's so different from when I was with Anne. Her love strangled and choked me and I could not breathe, it suffocated my skin and my heart was full of dread at all times. Was that a product of Anne? A product of me? A product of society?

Maybe I don't have to label myself. But I do not know. I find comfort in labels. They embrace me, allow me to embrace myself. I love defining who I am. Perhaps that is a problem in itself. I don't allow myself to be uncertain. Please help me out? You always have the best advice, my love.

I can't wait to see you in a couple weeks, Day. I miss your hugs endlessly. Your energy transfers to everyone when you walk in a room. God knows I need some of your lightened spirit and cheerful demeanour lately. I've been questioning everything about myself, head to toe.

Yours truly,
Vi "

Dana would help her. She always did.

ARIA SPEAKS!
I couldn't not address Vi's internalised homophobia. It's a long journey, but we're getting there with her:)