Still with you

Chapter 40 : Lost.

Chapter 40: Lost.

As usual, at the end of 2019, we take part to several awards ceremonies. Some more strong emotions.

First, at the American Music Award, we won three major awards : best band, best tour and best artist ! Unfortunately, we were not able to attend, but we take part of the American music magazine Variety' party, where we won the group of the year award. Yoongi is jubilant, more than all of us, if possible.

For the MelOn Music Awards, we perform for thirty-seven minutes in a amazing staging. Big stress. We rehearsed to the point of exhaustion to make everything perfect. Joonie starts with Persona. He ignites the huge room with his so powerful rap. I get chills backstage, despite my nervousness. I admire him, again and again. This guy has got an incredible presence, charisma, talent. We join him for Boys with Fun, in gray suits. Jimin put on his little round glasses, he's so sweet ! We go on with Boys with Love and Mikrokosmos.

After a short video interlude during which we quickly change, dozens of dancers invade the stage. Tae starts to dance, gorgeous in his white suit, then comes Jin, impressive on the horse that the technical team built him. Then, THE magical moment, Jimin with his white stole, he flies, he undules, he enchants everyone. I have seen him repeat and repeat again. How can someone be so beautiful, airy, moving by dancing for thirty seconds ? Jimin was born for it, the world knows it. Yoongi takes out the room of his dream, in a fiery décor, and then it's my turn. I chose to be entirely in black. I dance in the water, I gloat about this idea. When I watch the vid, later in the evening, I think I looked really good. It's new. I hear the fans's screams, it makes me want more. Hoseok takes over with his break dance on a stunning electro atmosphere. Finally, Nam Joon enters the scene with his thyrse, which announces Dionysus. For the occasion, we remixed the song, a little longer. We also reworked the choreography, already very demanding. We drive Armys crazy and it feels so good. We are short of breath when we seat on our chairs, but it was amazing.

For Mama's in Hong Kong, it's Jin's birthday. He's going to get some nice presents. We're performing Dionysus again. We are soaked with sweat but fans are so enthusiastic that we forget the fatigue. We won so many awards : best album of the year, artist of the year, song of the year with Boys with Love, international icon of the year, best male band, best music video with Boys with Love again, best dance performance for a male group, choice of international fans.

We break all records. It's an All Kill. We are the first Korean artists to achieve it. We win all the grand awards of these two ceremonies, a total of 10 daesangs. It's just incredible, huge ! We keep getting up and looking for new awards on stage. I feel completely overwhelmed with emotions. I can feel my body bubbling inside. I watch my brothers take the mic to thank Armys, our dancers, our staff. Jin says he's happy for his birthday. Nam Joon pushes me towards the microphone but my head is empty. I'll start by scoffing.

-Hello. I am... such a price... Oh, it's weird... Yes, we have received an important award, we receive so many awards but it is still so fascinating, because it is the result of the love you have for us. So our hearts are grateful, we will continue to work hard, doing everything we can to become great artists who can share happiness and music with you. Thank you !

In short, I scramble hollow sentences, because I am unable to speak with my heart, otherwise I will collapse. My legs are shaking as we go backstage. I can barely talk. My face looks marble. I feel like I'm going to explode. My hands are shaking too. I go my bag and look for Jimin. I approach him, he smiles at me and passes his hand in my hair. He's talking to me, but I can't hear him. My head's going to burst. I pull his sleeve so he follows me. I feel like I'm walking like a robot. There's a lot of noise backstage. People wave their hands in front of us, smiling. I try to smile, but I don't know if I am able to.