Still with you

Chapter 16 : Everythingoes

Chapter 16 : Everythingoes.

Around the breakfast table, the next morning, Jimin is missing. Hoseok says he woke him up but he prefers to pack his suitcase. Mood is very gloomy. The joy of seeing Tae again and finally sharing a journey all together seems to have disappeared. I always feel sick, as if I had eaten something bad. Jin tries to make some small talk with Hoseok.

Eventually Jimin comes out of his room. He's ready to go indeed. We're all stunned. This is the first time Jimin has been ready before anyone else. He approaches but does not sit down. His features are more drawn than after ten hours of rehearsal.

-Okay, guys, I have to apologize and especially to you Tae. What I told you and what I did is horrible so I would understand if you didn't want to see me anymore. I'm ready to leave the trip today. I'm going to go talk to the staff.

Tae starts to get up but Jimin raises his hand to stop him. Then he lowers his head and breathes big. I'm getting sicker and more stomach ache.

-Please, let me finish Tae... That's it, I apologize. I did wrong. I let myself be overwhelmed by my emotions. It was jealousy and anger. I've always been jealous in friendship. I like to have my friends around me, touch them and ... You know what I mean. As we all live together, it's fine but now I was afraid of losing you Tae. I could never stand it, that's for sure.

Silence in the group. Jimin is known among us for his immense kindness. He's the best friend in the world. I didn't think he needed reassurance on that.

-You're not going to lose me Jimin. I couldn't stand it either. You're my soul mate. We are bound, that's all.

He gets up and hugs Jimin tightly. My eyes sting. I'm so relieved. I couldn't bear to lose them either. I'm nothing without them, that's obvious. They hug for a long time. They whisper few words in their ears. When they step back, their eyes are red.

Then, Nam Joon says :

-Jimin, there's no way you're going to leave. Of course, no one wants that. We need you. But, you have to understand that if it happens again, I'll talk to the director about it. I couldn't do it any other way. He will then make a decision. No one wants to get to this point, so you have to talk about it with Tae and with us if you want. In any case, you won't have another chance. I am sorry.

We all stay silent. He's right, of course. But it still hurts.

-Thank you Nam Joon. I'll never let you down again. I promise.

-Come on, and sit down, says Yoongi, taking a chair for Jimin.

Conversation resumes on the subject. Everyone gives his feelings : sadness, fear dominate. We are all afraid of losing one of us. Jimin's cheeks are bathed in tears now. I can barely look at him. I don't say anything because I am unable to. I try to remain cool, but it is revolution in my mind and in my heart. I can't think serenely. I feel Jimin's gaze on me, several times, but I can't look at him.

My feelings about him are totally contradictory. I know I miss him, I miss our complicity. I want him to be my friend. I want to laugh with him. But I also want to kiss him, feel his soft skin under my fingers and his hard sex against mine. At the same time, he annoys me terribly, He drives me crazy. I do not understand his reactions. He ignores me for days, then looks for my eyes. Why ? Besides, he scares me. He can therefore be violent, out of frustration, out of jealousy. Can we imagine that this will not happen to him again ? I am not afraid of him physically, because I am taller and stronger than him. But his violence can destroy our group.