Still with you

Chapter18: Lost.

Chapter 18 : Lost.

I go to clean up, then to bed, quietly. I feel lonely and I'm cold. Nam Joon's snoring reassures me a little, but overall I feel bad. Why did Jimin leave so quickly with Hoseok ? What does it mean, "You were good tonight ?", I sucked ! I ejaculated when he barely touched me. What a disaster ! Why did he look sad ? Why is it so hard to understand each other ?

I fall asleep on these issues. But, three hours later, Nam Joon shakes me. This time, I won't be able to get up. It's too hard. I still feel bad and my body refuses to move. I fall asleep again and again, as soon as one of my big brothers stop shaking me.

- Are you sick, Jungkook ? That's Jin's worried voice.

-Don't... know... tired..., I try to say, completely lost.

-Okay, I'm going to see the manager.

That's all. When I wake up, the sun is high. And I'm alone in the apartment. I drag myself to the kitchen where everything is ready for my breakfast. All my muscles hurt. My eyelids seem to be glued. I find a note from our manager on the table.

-Jungkook, call me when you're up. I'll come by around noon.

It is eleven thirty. I force myself to eat, run in the shower and get dressed for rehearsal. I am ashamed that I did not get up with the others. Now I feel a little better physically. Everyone's tired, of course. But I must not stay in bed while my brothers are at work. I have to act like an adult.

I apologize to our manager when he arrives, as I have already done on the phone. He asks if I have fiever but I reassure him. I'm not sick, I'm just tired.

-I know you worked late last night Jungkook. Producer was very proud of you. Look, it will be okay now. I saw that the others were really tired this morning too. I'm going to go to the director to lighten your schedule a little bit, okay ?

-I'm not complaining and it won't happen again. I'll get up with my bro. I promise.

-Jungkook, when it's too hard, you have to tell me. It's better than collapsing on stage.

He leads me to Big Hit and I try to run through the hallways to the dance studio. My friends are sitting on the floor, eating. They're happy to see me. I blush like a child because I see that they were worried about me. It touches a lot. I don't want to be the cause of any concern for them. I apologize and reassure them. Only Jimin doesn't move.

-You really need to go to bed earlier, okay ? Hoseok wispers to me.

I nod, like a college student at fault.

-Is it serious with Jimin ? He didn't tell me anything.

I can't look at him. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out.

-Listen, think about it. But if you are together, you have to have your own room. We can change the rooms at the dorm. Just tell me, okay ?

I nod again. What's he talking about ? My mind does not understand what he says. When we stand in front of the mirror to resume our choreography, I finally feel Jimin's gaze on me. He gives me a little smile. I don't really know how to interpret it, but I give it back to him. What's going on ? Why is everything always so complicated ? Once again, we need to focus on the next deadline : Mama's ceremony in Hong Kong. We're going to perform on our new tracks : Run and I Need You. We take care of all the details, as usual. And then we hope to come back home with a Award.

But today, nothing goes as I'd like. I'm slow, I'm late in my movements. Worse, I forget my lyrics. I'm completely out. I sweat and can't breathe anymore after only an hour of rehearsal. My friends laugh less and less of my clumsiness. I see that they are worried, even if they try to stay cool. I try again and again. But today is a real torture for me. I am scared. I suck and I slow everyone down. Worse, Jimin doesn't seem to be at his best either. He does lots of mistakes, too. Hoseok's dark gaze is back and he no longer hides his frustration.