Still with you

Chapter 41 : O o'clock.

Chapter 41: O o'clock.

In the following days and weeks, our appartment looks like a hive. We have meetings to decide who makes what, concept, atmosphere, message we want to deliver with this new project. Very quickly, we agree to make an album even more personal than the last. Yes, we're going to do it all by ourselves.

My brothers make some lives to communicate with fans. We miss them so much. It hurts. I feel lonely, but I don't want to do Live. Jimin, Jin, Tae and Hobi do this very well. I don't know what to say, as usual. But I notice that expressing my feelings in song lyrics is really much easier for me.

Jin seems lost during these meetings for this new album. Nam Joon often touches his hand, as if to wake him up. So Jin offers him his big smile and writes a few notes. Our leader is totally focused on this project. He talks, he gestures, he drops his pen, his chair, he is alive. One morning as all our brothers are already at work at the agency, I stay with Jin to do some cleaning and laundry. He tells me some jokes, but I'm not fooled. Jin put his mask on, once again. Something makes him sad. I decide to attack him head-on, because I don't know how else to do it. I'm definitely not very good at talking.

-Jin, what's going on ?

-What ? Nothing, why ?

-Stop, I know something's wrong. Don't you want to talk to me about it ?

He sighs. That's all.

-No.

-No ?? Why ? Do you think I can't understand ? That I'm a baby ?

He looks up, surprised, and shakes his head.

-Of course not, Jungkook. What are you talking about ?

-Then tell me ! If not, I'll let Nam Joon know.

-Leave Nam Joon out of it, okay ?! His voice is very low all of a sudden. So this topic is sensitive.

-Jin, you've always taught me to talk when I have a problem. I can see you're in pain ! And that you're acting ! I'm sure Hobi noticed it too ! and even Yoongi. You have to tell us. We can certainly help you.

-No, you can't. Not this time. He whispers, his eyes in the void.

His tone makes me feel cold.

-Of course we do ! We're going to think about it and the solution will come out ! You'll see, you'll feel better !

-... I'm going to leave Nam Joon... I'm going to leave the band, he says, without looking at me.

I stare at him as if he were speaking another language. My chest tightens and I lack air. I force myself to take a deep breath.

-What ??? No, no, no Jin ! Not yet ! You look so good together ! You're going to kill him ! What's going on !!? Don't you love him anymore ?

He keeps silent, I wait, shaking. He's going to tell me, I know that. I just have to give him time.

-It is precisely because I love him, that I will leave him...

-I- don't-understand-Jin. I try to articulate.

He suddenly raises his head and pierces me with his eyes.

-Nam Joon wants children. He used to dream about it when he was a kid, you know. He loves to play with my nephews. You saw how happy he was during the show we made for Christmas or during the shooting of the movie for On in the States. With the little girls. I know that this is very important to him. Soon, it's going to become vital to him.