Still with you

Chapter 22: Crystal snow

Chapter 22 : Crystal Snow.

No need to lie. Things aren't the same anymore, not at all. Jimin barely talks to us. He gets closes to Hoseok, with whom he shares his room. Hoseok likes to cuddle Jimin. Yoongi likes Jimin very much too. This one likes to be pampered. I observe that he no longer plays tough guy. He's more natural. He lets his deep, sensitive and gentle personality exist. He seems more and more handsome.

Since this morning when he saw me in bed with Tae, he's been avoiding us. So Tae had to come in the room I share with Nam Joon. Our leader complains that we are too noisy so we try to calm down. But I'm glad Tae's here with me. We play video games a lot. Frankly, we don't have time for that at all, but never mind. We need it. Even Jin often joins us. Nam Joon observes us as he reads on his bed, then Jin says it's bedtime. It is often very late but these little moments are so precious to us, to hold on psychologically. With Tae, we get closer, without having kiss or more again. We know we can do it when we need it. It's so reassuring, soothing. Yes, if we're sad, depressed, too tired, we'll do it again and we will feel better. That's all.

This arrangement suits me. Tae seems annoyed by Jimin's cold attitude, but he doesn't want to let Jimin dominate on stage anymore. So their silent fight goes on.

On the first of September, I am nineteen years old. I can't believe it. Officially, I'm an adult. Of course, it's always hard for me to express my feelings, but I try to assert myself. As if my built body facilitates my emancipation. I finally feel like I am an important member of the group. I must say that I am the main vocalist. I often sing the most difficult parts, the highest notes. Especially on difficult choreographies. Because my voice does not tremble, even in effort. I thank sport for giving me large chest that allows me to do so.

So I can say that I have a central place in the group. My older brothers congratulate me very much. I'm their Golden Maknae. I accept this surname better and better, without false modesty. I start to realize my skills. I watch videos of our performances. Everything seems easy to me. I'm pretty happy with what I see, but I know I can do better. My tiger is not at all full. But not everything is so easy. It's all about work. I spend at least ten hours a day training, practicing, working out. But I still stress a lot before shows. The more I try to concentrate, the more I make mistakes, so I try not to think before going on stage. It works well, but, as Hoseok, Jimin and Jin, I still feel like I could have done better.

We end up our tour. Twenty-two concerts, 160 000 Armys ! So incredible ! But we're not resting. On the contrary, we work on our new album. It will be out in october. Its name is Wings, our wings that are spreading more and more, make us discover the world and discover who we are as well. I'm especially happy because we have solos. I am impressed again by the creativity of our rappers, who write so sensitive and powerful songs. For the first time, for these solos, we participated in writing, and it was pretty exciting. I wish maybe I could write my own songs too, one day.

Tae is not often with us because he shoots his drama. He's super excited about this experience. I am happy to see he seems to be doing well, even with his two schedules. I don't know how long it will last but he looks happy. He always has anecdotes from the shoot to tell us. He gots stars in the eyes. He plays some scenes for us. He talks about other actors and actresses. He obviously admires them. His overflowing imagination finds itself channelled into this new artistic activity. I realize once again we can't lock Tae in any box. He must be free, first of all.

Sometimes we have to wait for him to start rehearsing. Just like today. He called us from the car that took him back to the agency. He'll be here in ten minutes. We warm up quietly. When he arrives, we're ready. But he is not. He's hungry. He couldn't eat at the end of the shoot because he wanted to join us quickly. The manager ordered him meatballs for lunch. He likes them a lot. We've already eaten. I think we're going to wait ten minutes for him to finish eating, but Jimin doesn't agree. He wants us to start. He tells Tae he will have to eat later, when we're done.