Still with you

Chapter 32 : Danger.

Chapter 32 : Danger.

When we get back to Korea, we take off to the United States, right away. The whirlwind of our lives resumes. We travel to Las Vegas for the annual Billboard Music Award. Stress is back. For the first time, we will make a comeback in the United States. We're going to perform Fake Love, the title track of our latest album : Love Yourself, Tear, which just came out. Within days, the track hits the top on the Billboard 200. We are the only Asian artists to have achieved it ! Already, the short film of my song Euphoria was successfull, in April. Then, Tae's Singularity was unveiled in early May while we were in Malta. Each time, we break records. In Las Vegas, we won the Top Social Artist Award for the second year in a row. We didn't believe it for a second. It's been a week of madness and strong emotions. We are also invited to the famous talk show : The Ellen Show. Mood has definitely getting better in the group !

Jimin and I are more in love than ever, if possible. I can't help but picturing him, filming him, making jokes.

-Jimin, don't you feel something burning ?

-No, I don't feel anything.

-It is my heart that burns with love for you.

I like to see him smile and laugh. He gives me a lot of hugs and I love it. I make love to him as often as possible. I am happy and he says he is too.

At the end of May, we record a one-hour show over a meal for our next Festa, our fifth anniversary. It's so good to gather to talk about our history, our successes, our tough times, our strong friendships. We have lots of fun, of course. For example, we tease Nam Joon on his snoring. He has just had surgery and it is much better, but we tease anyway. Jin can't help but reassuring him kindly, as usual. We also joke about Hoseok who blush hard, after a few sips of beer only. Jimin says he will going to throw away our shoes if we don't put them away at the apartment. We talk about all the awards we've won that exceed our wildest expectations.

However, conversation is rather serious and invites us to speak about our deep feelings. As far as I am concerned, I speak little because I still have difficulties in sharing my deep thoughts. I answer when my brothers ask me but overall, I prefer to listen to them. I try to remain cool but the confidences of my big brothers touch me, even upset me. We've suffered so much in the last few months. It was a "transition period," as Jimin calls it. We are so relieved to have come out of it, to have found the pleasure of being together again and the reason that drives us to continue : our love for music and stage, surrounded by our fans.

Hoseok talks about his pride in having released his mixtape, Jin says that Nam Joon almost entirely wrote our last album, Tae reveals to us that he wrote a song recently. He even made Nam Joon listen to it, who loved it very much. I still feel desire to write and compose, too. I know I have something to say. If I can't really do it in a conversation, maybe I can do it in songs ? I want to talk about love, the love I feel for Jimin, for my brothers, for my family, for our fans. I would warm the hearts of our fans when they are cold. I would like to talk about my experience, that sense of emptiness that sometimes takes hold of me. Yes, I promise to try. I want to do more than covers.

My brothers ask me how I feel, as the youngest of the group and how I think I have changed. I have the feeling that they are waiting for great revelations, but, once again, I do not have one. Being the youngest is not a problem for me, especially since they stopped treating me like a baby. I like to be with older people, I feel more comfortable than with younger people. Jimin says I'm more mature and more confident. Yoongi thinks I'm more calm than before. For Nam Joon, it must have been difficult for me because I arrived in Seoul at a very young age. I don't really realize it, but it's true that my older brothers had a big influence on me, so it must be true. I still feel that I exist more by myself, as an individual one. I can get better and better to differentiate myself from them. I'm starting to find my true personality out and it makes me happy.