Still with you

Chapter10 : Fake love

Chapitre 10: Fake Love.

We have to resume touring in a few weeks. But there's no way we're going to rest. We still work so hard. Atmosphere in the group is mixed. We were happy with these first concerts and the very warm welcome we received. But we could have done better. This feeling never desapears.

We talk a lot about how we could make it better, how we could make the show more fluid, more festive. Finally, they talk, and I listen. I think Hoseok and Yoongi always have good ideas. Tae also offers his, but they are often too weird to be integrated into the show. Each time, he looks at us, as if he doesn't understand why we don't understand him. It's heart-shaking. But I'm not doing anything. Because I don't know what to do for him.

Jin and Jimin rehearse tirelessly. The first to improve his dance's skills, the second by perfectionism a little sickly. Hoseok often stays with them to help. Yoongi and Nam Joon lock themselves in the music studio, to work on music. I play video games with Tae when we have free time.

I can see that his mood is very changing, even more so than usual. He goes through moments of deep depression, I do not know why exactly, but I can see that it is not only because he would have wanted to be better on stage. It seems to be his nature, sometimes exalted and joyful, somtimes closed and painful. Since I don't know how to help him, I spend time with him to change his mind. So we play after practice, we go to the gym.

He tells me about his childhood with his grandparents in the countryside. His parents, farmers, worked hard so it was his grandmother, especially, who raised him. He talks about it as a happy time. I see he misses it. He misses his brother and sister too. He tells me how he took a pencil in bed, to draw the crazy dreams he had, he raised his arm in the dark and drew what he saw, in the dark. I'm not sure I understand all this, but, once again, I realize that Tae is truly a unique and sensitive person. Yes, I don't always understand him but I try my best, really. He's so sweet. He's my friend. I need him. I don't know exactly what's going on between him and Jimin. I don't dare talk to him about it, of course. He never talks our passionate kiss. I'm relieved, I've almost forgotten it now. A moment of confusion that no longer confuses our relations. We are both the youngest and even though he is two years older than me, I feel closest to him. I miss my family, too. I often feel bad, I don't know why. I don't tell anyone. I can't express myself.

One evening, after the rehearsal, Jimin offers me to go to the gym with him. For the past few days, I've been catching him staring at me in the mirror of the dance studio. He seems a little worried. I can see he's trying to talk to me, but it is not easy in our daily life at the dorm. So, I agree to follow him.

We do a few training exercices. Jimin talks about everything and nothing. He laughs, he teases me, he compliments me on my performances. He's so sweet. He's my big friend, too, isn't he ? So why, have I a little stomach ache as soon as he approaches me ? He's very tactile, like Hoseok. But when he tickles me, hugs me, ruffles my hair ... well it's not the same.

-Hoseok came to talk to me, you know Jungkook ?

My throat seems to fall into my stomach. I'm stepping up my stretch to mask my surprise.

-...oh yes ?

-He asked me what is going on between Tae and me. He said that you are not always comfortable with us and that we haw to pay more attention to you...

-.....

-What's going on Jungkook ? His voice is soft.

Panic ! My stomach hurts even more. I breath slowly and try to hide my face which I feel is on fire.