Still with you

Chapter 34 : Filter

Chapter 34 : Filter.

To celebrate 2019, we decide to stay at the apartment, just the seven of us. We must end this exhausting year, psychologically and physically, on a good vibe. Actually, we're having two days of partying. The 30th for Tae's birthday and the 31st for the new year. We take a break before going on tour on January 12th in Japan.

For these two days of celebration, Dawon and Lila join us. Tae is very much in love with Lila. He told me several times. She teaches him French and he keeps saying, « Je suis un bon garçon » ("I'm a good boy") I know they spent the whole night outside, taking pictures. I don't know who from Hobi or Yoongi invited Dawon, but I'm glad to see her because she's nice, like her brother. But Yoongi can't help but looking at her and holding her hand under the table.

For the occasion, we all cook together, an entire afternoon. Nam Joon quickly gives up because he cut his thumb. Jin hastens to make him a nice bandage on which he draws lots of hearts. Nam Joon is our DJ while we cook under the direction of Yoongi and Jin. I discover that I love to cook. It's very nice, especially when it's for people you love. Our apartment is quickly full of laugh and music. Jin's big laugh covers all the conversations. Even Yoongi's keeps smiling. Tae sings opera. Hoseok keeps clapking his hands. Nam Joon dances like crazy. I keep watching my brothers, smiling. I don't say much, as often, but I observe Jin to learn how to cook. Jimin seems relaxed. He gives me frequent glances and melts me with his sweet smile. Did I say how much I love him ?

While all our preparations are simmering, Hoseok offers to go for a bike ride. Dawon and Yoongi decide to stay hom to watch the cooking. I look at Jimin, staring at me. I read in his eyes that we, too, will stay home. He takes my hand and drags me into his room. He makes me sit on his bed and takes a chair to get up to me.

-Are you okay Jimin ? I start nicely.

-Yes, I'm fine. I feel much better. Doesn't it matter not to go for the ride with our bros ?

-We could go tomorrow ? Just you and me ?

He smiles big and nods.

-Thank you Jungkook.

-Why ?

-You are always nice to me... even when I'm messing around... I know I hurt you. I'm sorry... But I spoke with Hobi and Yoongi. They helped me a lot, I think.

-And to me, don't you want to talk ? I try softly.

-I love you Jungkook. I've loved you since we met. I already told you.

-So what's wrong ?

He stays silent, head down. I don't want to rush him, but I really hope that, this time, he will open to me.

-I'm afraid...

I wasn't expecting that.

-... Do you know of what ? I ask softly.

He finally looks up, he blushes hard. I realize how hard it is for him.

-A lot of things scare me... Especially not to be good enough, not to be loved...

I'm speechless. He's looking at me, but I don't know what to say. It seems so impossible.

-Ho... How is it possible Jimin ? Everyone loves you.

-People like the sweet and cute Jimin, but you know I'm not just that one.

-No one asks you to be perfect. Why don't you accept ?

He takes a deep breath, he trembles a little.

-When I lived at home in Busan, everything seemed easy to me. I had a lot of friends. I was popular, always class president. My parents have always pampered me a lot. I felt loved. Everyone thought I was an exceptional dancer. My dance teacher pushed me to audition. I felt strong. And then I fell in love with a boy.