Still with you

Chapter 33 : We don't talk anymore.

Jungkook's story : Still with you.

Chapter 33 : We don't talk anymore.

My name is Jungkook. I am 21 years old and I am desperate. I'm packing my stuff for the tour, I should be super excited but I feel miserable. We will take off tomorrow, early in the morning, for four days at Staples Center in LA. I know my brothers want us to celebrate my birthday on the plane, but I don't want to.

I asked Hoseok to share his room during the tour and he agreed, a little surprised. I hope that he will succeed in cheering my mood, even if he is often nervous during tour. I'm mute again. But since everyone is a little focused, no one notices.

Jimin broke my heart. Once again. I come to wonder why I have loved him for all these years. Sometimes I think that he is toxic to me, that I absolutely have to get away from him and no longer live under his influence. I feel bad, a bit like I'm sick. I cry in silence at night and try my best to look cool during the day. He is still charming and beguiling with our brothers, who can not help but cuddle him because : "Jimin is too cute" ... Why doesn't anyone can realize what he is playing at ? He plays comedy, with his sweet eyes and devastating smile. He is nice to me in front of our brothers, otherwise he ignores me. I suffer a lot from this situation, which I do not see the outcome of. I tell myself that I will be able to talk to Hoseok, may be soon, if he doesnot stress too much. I don't want to be a burden to him. He already takes a lot of care of us during rehearsals. For this tour, our choreographer will be absent so we all defer to Hobi obviously.

Throughout September, we perform in the United States and Canada, 15 shows. Despite excitement, fatigue is intense. I spend all my free time in my hotel room resting, playing video games with Tae or Jin, editing my videos. I usually like to stay alone in my room. I don't want to go for visits. But now I barely ever go out.

In Hamilton, Canada, after the first concert, staff calls Nam Joon backstage. He returns with us after a short quarter of an hour. The staff explains that fans are always so thoroughly behind us, but that we seem less rigorous on stage, especially on the very demanding choreographies. They ask us what we think about it and I don't think anything at all. My mind is empty. But Hoseok reacts right away and asks to see videos of tonight's concert. We spend three quarters of an hour watching them and evidence hits us. We were not very good on Idol, which is the opening song. Blood, Sweat and Tears, DNA, Mic Drop are also less clean than usually and less powerful, no doubt. So Hoseok says :

-We're going to settle this tomorrow at the rehearsal. Let's go to bed now.

His eyes are dark. We go to bed without a word. I fall asleep the second my head touches my pillow. In the morning, back on stage to rectify the investments and warm up to find the energy we missed the day before. We work on each choreography under the direction of Hoseok. It must be exhausting for him. His features are drawn. He's always committed to perfect performance, he doesn't let anything pass. Usually he is encouraging and caring but today he just wants to be effective. He replaces Jin several times but it is above all Jimin who concentrates his remarks. Blood, Sweat and Tears must be repeated five times because Jimin is still not in the right place. Hoseok gets more and more annoyed :

-Jimin ! What's wrong with you ? Please concentrate ! Don't waste our time !

-It's okay. I just cross to get here ! It's always been like this !

-No Jimin, we just re-watched the video, you have to be more on the left.

-I don't think so.

-But, what's your problem ? Do you want to be in the center again ??