❥ tordtom oneshots《

you, thomas rosewood. . . // TW

so. new years.

had a huge panic attack between 12:30-2 am. unfortunate that i just got done celebrating new years in animal crossing, happily dancing with my villagers, only to fight with my friends to the point where i got so sick i fell into a panic attack and vomitted.

i kept on sounding so go lucky "YAY YEAR OF CHANGE YOU ARE LOVED!!!" on social medias and my server and shit

but now my entire view on 2021 has been ruined.

i just caught myself searching for bullets (since my dead dad liked collecting guns and rifels so i was trying to kill myself) and decided to sit back and write out everything since i shut off my phone and couldnt sleep.

this is a vent. please skip if you want to, dont force yourself to sit through my emotional bullcrap.

toms pov is mine if that isnt fuckin obvious

or his brain talking to him? maybe the monster side of him

also please dont feel the "you" in this all is targeting to you all, the readers, the audience. its not. its just like me talking to myself.

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stupid stupid stupid! youre a fucking moron! god what were you thinking?! you thought it was a good idea to pull out the "i study psycology because i want to be a psycologist" card in a fight?!

youre not fucking wise, me, stop trying to act like you can solve everything! they obviously wont understand you! its all your fault!

thomas rosewood, you have fucked up.

go on, cry, scream, punch a wall, cut. you deserve it all. youve disappointed your friends. you heard what edd said;

"im going to replace him! all he does is drag us down! ALL HE DOES IS DRAG US DOWN! ALL HE DOES IS DRAG US DOWN! ALL HE DOES IS DRAG US DOWN!!"

it stings, doesnt it?

you know you fucked up, admit it. edds right, all you do is bring people down. you try to sound so wise and witty with your: "we fucked up, but you have to understand, its not just me, its not just matt, its everyone. thats why 2021 can be a year where we practice respecting each other! ill start with explaining why i text the way i did this week. i texted so professionally because i wasnt in the mood to talk, and i wanted people to see that."

blah blah blah, thomas! look at where we are now?

crying in the bathroom staring at a hand pistol with pure fear when you realized you were about to shoot yourself with no bullets even loaded.

fucking pathetic.

and you did all this for what, to defend oliver? because oliver dated dean and dean made oliver want to die by accident.

because you and tord had to stop oliver from slitting his throat, youve gotten yourself into a heated battle because dean is their friend.

oliver and dean were a thing in 2019 for fucks sake!

oliver is fine now! from what edd and matt say, deans changed!

because you dont want to talk to them, you leave the gc and get TORD to speak for you!

fucking burden!

go kill yourself, tom!

maybe i could have a better host and not be trapped with this rotting pile of garbage, aka, YOU!