❥ tordtom oneshots《

iacuna

yeah, I'm not even gonna put a start here, its so random its not even professional— the only things I'll say is that this is based off of an album called iacuna by guardin and that the "playing with feelings" concept is based off of my life. i've been feeling like a sack of shit for a while again so I've been venting through writing, drawing, crying, and... more bloody things...

Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. That was something Tom never wanted to do. He wanted to suffocate, to drown. Drown in his problems. Drown in the mistake he is.

"Someday, you'll wake up and not want to say fuck today."

Bullshit, bird crap, complete fucking scat. Tom fucking hated his life, no changing that. He hated his life because it was his life. Thomas Smith Rosewell, a depressed alcoholic who can't decide between starving himself to death or eating until his body finally... gave up. He wanted to give up. He was on the verge of doing so. How welcoming.

There was only one thing holding him back. His daughter, the spark of his life. Tamori, Tord's and his technology made child. When Tord left for the war, he left the baby with Tom. The Brit despises Tord almost as much as he does himself. Tom needed to give the girl away to a better home, since he was such a fucked up person, but he couldn't. He didn't have the strength to, nor did he have the strength to get up in the morning.

Tamori is 8 right now. She feels horrible, seeing her only known father so disheveled, and Tom hates that he's the cause of her suffering. Then again, he sees himself as the cause of everyone's suffering. Why else did Tord drop it? It wasn't only the Red Army, it was also because Tom had such a negative flowing aura, he was always moping around and dragging his tired feet.

Tom was played like a puppet one too many times. He wasn't good with relationships, never sensing the bad in people. They say that they would stay, that they wouldn't date him if they didn't love him. What a fucking lie! They soon noticed their mistake in dating him and would cut it off, leaving Tom in completely broken pieces. It happened every. Single. Fucked up. Time. It was almost a routine now. Yet, he was destroyed after Tord.

Now, he can't even trust people with his heart. He's found constantly struggling to give Tamori the ability to hold his fragile heart. For bloody sake, he can't even trust his daughter!!

He drank daily, killing his immune system. Thank Jehovah, he never inflicted any intentional pain on his child, that would be a disaster. Oh wait, he's already a train wreck. Still, he couldn't bare to hurt her, intoxicated or not.

"I don't like this, I'm not like this," Tom muttered to himself when watching himself smile in the mirror.

It was Tamori's birthday, she's grown to be 9 years old. Tom didn't like to smile with teeth, he hasn't done it in so long to the point where it slightly strains and aches when performing such. He only really smiled with his lips or didn't smile at all. Sighing, the idiot fixed up his ugly look. He washed his face when showering, brushed all the alcohol away from his mouth, dried his hair, shaved, then used some concealer to cover the black eye bags. They were so concentrated that they almost blended in with his voids.

The small man was supposed to take his daughter to the, "new and improved," ASDF Land. It held memories, even if renovated, and he wanted to share some with Tamori.

"Baby bear, where are you?" Tom called out to Tamori. He cringed slightly, as he always did when saying that nickname. That was what Tord used to call him, but Tamori really loved her stuffed bear, so Tom reused it on something more worth waiting for.

The Brit stepped out of the restroom, checkered Vans patting down against the carpeted hallway of his home. He snuck around playfully, checking in every room for Tamori.