❥ tordtom oneshots《

-4:44-

so, i could've caught the corona virus. i shit not. i was at my brother's house over the weekend, they have 2 roommates, our cousin, and their best friend gorge. last week, gorge went to visit his parents, and when he came back, they had been tested positive for covid. if my brother and his girlfriend's test results come back positive, i'd have it too, since i was with them the entire time.

if i do have it, poggers, hope it kills me before i do it myself.

keep in mind right now that im on my SCHOOL chromebook because as soon as i get back home, moms starting fights and taking away my phone and chromebook. all i have is the high schools tech, but god, its either i write or cut.

trying to NOT do the second one.

anyways. vent shit, future au. title inspired by "AM 4:44" by bang yong-guk. i listen to kpop, woah, go on, hate me u_u

oh, and the beginning is spoken lyrics from outsider by guardin

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-ˏˋ tom's pov  

Pitter, patter.

I think people have too high of expectations for themselves. I think instead of living in the moment, we as human beings rather dwell on the past or the future. No one wants to look at the bright side anymore. Like, that shit doesn't work.

Pitter, patter, pitter.

We, uh, we kinda lose people along our journey and, uh, as much as it sucks we try to keep our head up high and hope for the best. And, uh, I guess that's what this album is about, is just trying.

Pitter, pat.

And trying, and trying...

I sighed, breath fogging up the moist glass. I like the rain, it's quite comforting, watching it flow along the sleek, clear glass. My reflection was disheveled, hair acrimonious to the comb, dark purple painting my cheek and neck, visor's strap tangled up in my hair, a prominent and almost permanent frown on my pale face. I'm a mess. I barely sleep, I always lose track of time, and I am mostly in my room, drinking away my sorry life.

It's dark.

I turn to the alarm clock propped up on my nightstand, the screen reading "4:38 AM." An exasperated groan slipped from my lips as I rotated my body back to the window. I stared, and my reflection stared back at me, broken. Shaking my head, gasping, I forced a smile, nimble fingers shakily running through my tangled tufts of hair.

Nobody would know how scary the mask I wear is..

It's always grins, laughs and schmucks. Switching this fake face on every time I leave this safe haven is,, distressing. I've always wondered how long I could keep this up.

Everyday seems to be the same. Get up early, get ready, work for decades, then back to bed, tossing and turning, eventually crying yourself to sleep.

All the fucking same.

It took me a few seconds before I noticed the wet droplets falling into my lap. The rain is outside, so it can't be that—

Tears.

Tears slipped from under my headset, a large lump in my throat. Funny thing is, I couldn't feel it. I was too numb! Ha!

I sighed, leaving my desk and laying on my uncomfortable bed.

Ah, I spoke too soon.

As soon as my body sunk into the mattress, my chest tightened, squeezing my lungs, heart throbbing painfully. Well, fuck.

Here we go again.

Does my body really hate me that much?

I tensed, the emotions surging through my head, also my coded system. Fuck, it's hitting like a wave of pain.

I grabbed my pillow and covered my face, letting out a muffled scream, panting heavily as the metaphorical sword stabbed through my body. It feels like pinpricks poking every inch of my  body, but, more like poking a bit too deep, more tears soaking my thin shirt.

Almost like rain.

Pitter, patter;

Into the fabric.

I shouldn't be surprised about these things now, it happens every day of this painful walk through life.

Crying, thrashing, screaming, all at 4:44 AM.

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my name is honey and im a bitch :)

HAHA ALSO 669 WORDS AT :)

NICE

anyways. im done venting this ✨ stupid shit ✨

bye—