❥ tordtom oneshots《

just a burden

okay, this is legit just me ranting out all my thoughts. i don't have many friends now so i can't rant about my heavy depression without them thinking i'm a freak. hell, i can't even say anything to my family. if i my family them anything about my self harm records, they'll just send me to a mental hospital. my mom's boyfriend says i'm just taking up too much room, i'm a weirdo brought from outer space to bug people, i'm too loud, i'm ugly, i dress slutty, and i don't deserve anything I have. he said that if i keep on "bugging" him, he'll drag his time out at work and leave me locked outside in the backyard when i get home from school to freeze my tits off. i'm everything he said, i know he's right. i'm honestly just taking up too much space, breathing oxygen i don't deserve. i would've ended this all if i wasn't such a coward and i'm telling myself that some people care about me so i don't try to kill myself.

edit: also, my mom's stupid boyfriend is talking really loudly about how shitty I am in the living room when i'm writing this and i'm in my room down the hall, hearing every insult he's saying behind my back.

a lot of this oneshot is a true story, based on me. well, besides the eddsworld characters, me be a drunk, and a few other shitty things.

anyways, that was fucking edgy. let's get into the oneshot made specifically so I can pour my feelings out to people who don't care in form of a story so they'll listen. consider this as my diary but within tom's view.

genre; straight up angst (also less tordtom than you all expect. it's more like tom just being fucking depressed with tord just trying to be nice at the end of the story.. so not much tordtom oops)

word count; 615 (not a suprise, I've been writing a lot of short ones now)

warning: suicidal topics and a lot of uncensored profanity.

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·tom's pov·

Burden. That's what I am. A profound and negative impact on this world, society, and the people around me.

I try to be nice, but I fail. I'm too talkative, too annoying.

I act like an asshole too the nicest of people.

I'm constantly making fun of Matt, I'm always spitting insults at Edd, and Tord, the man I unfortunately love, oh god I even put physical contact on the guy. They all will be so much better without me, just spitting facts here.

I'm fat, ugly, too feminine, such a crybaby, selfish, fluent in sarcasm, rude, arrogant, ignorant, I can't learn my lesson, short, I'm mean, I'm pathetic, weak, close-minded, and oh such a coward. I'm not made to fit in, only to be spat and kicked on.

I'm just a fucking disorder. My mother was even disappointed in me. I'm a stupid drunk, what's not to be disappointed on?

I'm also unlovable. I'm too vial and disgusting of a human to even be cherished like one.

I've been constantly cutting myself, no longer on my wrists. Edd found out and, out of pity, was concerned and begged me to stop. Ha, concerned my ass.

But since I'm unable to cut on my wrists, I've been doing it on my shoulders, hips, and ankles. My shoes cover the ankle scars, shirt for the shoulders, and boxers for the hips. I also cut on my upper thighs, where it's not even to be seen if I wore girly 3 inch shorts. It's basically near my V-line.

I hold back most my words, just writting it all in my journal. I don't want to bother people, so I just don't talk. I hurts when I keep my stories in, the cries and yells trying to be spoken out but my restraints and chains holding me back. So when I'm not being silent around my roommates, I'm in my room either writing, crying, or both.

I'll try to make new songs, but I feel like I don't deserve to even handle Susan in fears that I might drop her.

My cuts sting. They never told you that when you cut yourself, the cuts itch, now did they? When scratching it, I'm destroying the scabs and hurting myself more. That's why I itch a lot. I deserve the pain, I really do. The shiny and lighter pigmented lines that cover most of my wrists and other cutting areas remind me that I shouldn't stop after all the way I've come so far.

I'm a burden.

I really shouldn't be living..

Tord's been acting nicer and even trying to talk to me, but I know it's out of pity. Him ever liking me is bullshit, lying fairy tales.

·it's soon gonna end but still, no one's pov·

Tom sighed, laying on his bed with no motivation to move.

"I wish I could tell you Tord, but I'm just a burden. You'll never love me, and I'll just have to except that," he whimpered groggily to himself, wiping the gross tears off his nasty face.

On the other side of the door, Tord stood, ear pressed up to the door and he eavesdropped.

"I'm just a burden."

That sentence replayed and replayed and replayed as soft cries were echoed in the dull room. The Norwegian wiped his own tears, worried out of his mind for Tom but happy that he felt the same way.

He just had to show him, prove him wrong. It'll take some time, but Tord'll manage. He's just gotta keep Tom alive long enough to show him his place in the world. His place with Tord at his side, holding his hand.

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you're welcome for more angst and more of my depressed ass. i really don't have much to say other than sorry i made you listen to my problems in the beginning. don't feel worried or concerned for me, please, it's just me being a crybaby as always.

question time, ding ding ding. what's you're favorite movie? tell me in the comments...

have a good day. honey, out.....