Soulmates

Chapter Thirty- Five: Shai, Please

Theo's POV~

It's hurts to know that our child didn't survive the car crash, our child will never see who created it or who loved it the minute we found out.

But what hurts the most is my poor Shailene, dragging herself through misery each day. We will be leaving the hospital, returning to our apartment. I believe Shai thinks I'm mad at her, but I'm not.

I want to see her come back to life, to the old Shailene I love. But I have no idea when that day will be and I don't know if I can stay in this relationship.

"Shai, we are leaving." I begin to grab her bags.

She stares at the wall, hands on her stomach. Her eyes are red from crying these past nights. She nods and begins to get up.

"I'm going to bring the bags down okay?" I ask her.

Shai just grabs her brush to detangle her hair. I sigh in frustration, she can't act like this forever.

Shai's POV~

I'm alive but feel as if my body is dead. I no longer respond to anyone, not even to the man I love. I ruined our blessing, it's all my fault. And soon, Theo will leave and find someone else. Therefore I'm okay with that.

I look out the window, sun is shining yet my life is dark. Nothing can change how I feel, my baby is gone. I want to make the regret disappear, I want to go back into time and change my fate. However, I know thats impossible and it will kill me everyday of my life.

Theo arrives to my room after putting our bags back in the car. I'm going to therapy to discuss my feelings like every mother does after a miscarriage. Maybe it will help me, maybe it will make me feel even worse.

"Ready to go babe?" Theo kisses my cheek.

For now, my voice will not work. I grab his hand instead and we head to our car. Hopefully Theo will find someone who makes him crazy, who will make him fall in love all over again. It's not right for me to hold him back, all I will do is bring sadness into his life. Soon enough he will leave, if not I'll tell him too.

Theo helps me into the jeep, I have to be careful for the next two months. I'll be on bed rest for the time being. Allegiant filming will begin in a couple months, I may quit acting after the movies once all my fans realize I killed my own child.

My head occassionally drifts towards my window, looking at the farms we pass. It feels as if I'm broken and nothing can patch my heart back to the way it was. Questions run through my mind; How do I survive this? These emotions are strangling me from the inside out and I can't tell anyone because no one can help.

"Shai, please speak. The silence is driving me up a wall, I can't take it anymore." Theo sighs.

My heart is telling me to say something, but my mind tells me not too. I look into his dark brown eyes, they scream for answers.

"Theo, I don't think I can word my feelings at the moment. I did this, I killed our child. I'm a murderer." I break into sobs hearing myself say that.

Theo pulls the car over and looks straight into my eyes. He grabs my hands and holds them tightly, telling me to calm down.

"Never say that Shailene, you didn't kill our baby. You made a choice that you thought was going to be normal. The impact from the crash that Nahko caused killed our child. Not you!" A tear slips from his eye.

I breathe and shake my head, "I didn't listen to you. I was an idiot and hormonal, I didn't listen. If I did, he or she wouldn't have died!"

Theo argues, "Yes you didn't listen to me. But how in god's name would you have known that was going to happen?! You were upset and I was fairly rude to you. We both screwed up and thats okay. Yet, I want you to know that I'm not mad and I love you deeply. It's not your fault our child has passed on. Shai you need to speak up, tell me whats going on inside your head. I can't read minds and your silence kills me. I miss you so much when you don't talk."

A wave of stress washed away, yet I miss my baby so much even if it wasn't born.

"I miss him or her so much." I cry.

Theo pulls me into his arms and says, "I do too, but something good will happen. You can't have a rainbow without a little rain."

___________________________
AN<3: So sorry I didn't update for a week. I was busy with school work and coming up with ideas for the rest of this story. Hopefully I can created 101 chapters, my goal is 146! Time will tell, love you all and thanks so much for the feedback. Remember, always keep on wondering.