Soulmates

Chapter Thirty- Six: Don't Break Down

Shai's POV~

Two weeks have passed, not a day does it not cross my mind that we lost our child. However, I've talked to Theo everyday; we both explain how we feel and help each other cope. I cannot explain how thankful I am for Theo, without him I wouldn't have gotten through.

My therapist is wonderful, she is a patiently and sweet woman named Dr. Bellar. She taught me how to verbally speak what is exactly on my mind and informed me saying it was and never will be my fault.

"I know now it's not my fault, but if the public ever finds out I'm not sure how I could control my reactions and emotions." I sigh, leaning into the chair.

"I won't lie to you Shailene, there are chances of that happening. People will be talking about it and convince you as a murderer. However, you and families and friends both know that it was not your fault. I imagine your publicist would put an end to it too." Dr. Bellar explains.

I let her words flow into my brain, thinking each one carefully and slowly. She is correct, chances are that sources will find out and start a rumor. I'll be upset at first, yet it will die soon. Plus, I doubt it would ever happen.

"Thank you Dr. Bellar." I shake her hand and make my way to Theo downstairs.

Life is beginning to fall back into place, I always thank god each day and pray to my child who would have lived. No matter what anyone says, I believe he or she is still with me. Heart or stomach, I can still communicate with the baby.

"How did it go? Only one more month and life will be back to normal. Can you believe it's almost May?" Theo wraps his arm around me, kissing my temple.

I smile and say, "It went well. We mainly discussed my thoughts and if the public were to find out, how I could react. And to answer your question, no I cannot believe it's already May."

Theo chuckles and our hands intertwined. It makes my heart skip a beat knowing people see us showing our affection; I finally have Theo to myself.

We walk out of the office and all of sudden, a swarm of paparazzi surround us. Theo immediately pulls me by my waist, protecting me with his other arm.

"Give us some room please." Theo commands in the nicest way possible.

"Is it true Shailene?" One shouted.

"You had an abortion!" Another yelled.

"Why are you at Therapy? Did you try committing suicide?" A woman questions.

I take a deep breath, thankfully I have my glasses on so they can't see the tears forming. Theo quickly opens the car and helps me in. I begin to cry, not facing the window. The public believes I'm either depressed or had an abortion. How did they find out?

Theo jumps in and steps in the break. We arrive on the high way, no paparazzi in site. Theo then relaxes and begins a conversation with me.

"Shai, what are you thinking?" He breathes.

"It hurts to think that the media and press believes I'm either suicidal or killed my own child." I mutter, wiping my tears.

Theo shakes his head, biting on the inside of his cheek. I can tell he is annoyed by the questions they threw around. It's all my fault, none of this would have happened if we were even in a relationship.

"Theo, I'm sorry. It's my fault." I sigh.

"Shai, you didn't kill our baby. We've been over this!" He continues driving.

I shake my head and say, "No Theo, if I were never pregnant and if we were never together; none of this would have happen."

Silence fills the vehicle, Theo is trying to comprehend what I had said. My heart breaks, saying it would be different if we weren't together.

"Shai, I'm not breaking up with you." He responds.

"I love you very much Theo and I only want you to be happy. I'm ruining the movie. I'm ruining our relationship, and most of all I'm ruining you." I cry.

Theo pulls into our apartment complex. He parks the car and sits there. Finally, after ten minutes of silence he speaks up.

"You're not ruining me. But if you broke up with me, I would never be happy again. God damn it Shai, how can you not see that I'm in love with you?" He stares into my eyes.

I pull him into an embrace, letting my mind make the most difficult decision I'll ever have to make. I need to let Theo go, he cannot live like this. I will not force him to live a horrible life with me, he will move on and find a wonderful woman.

"I love you Theodore Peter James Kinnaird Taptiklis. In the future, you will find someone who you'll fall in love with all over again. You'll smile and kiss her all the time, you will find your soulmate." I pull back and bring my lips to his.

This is the last time I'll kiss Theo until Allegiant Part One. This will be our last kiss until acting begins. Theo will find someone in time, but for now I need to disappear. I need to leave California and have everyone let me go.

Our kiss is long and desperate, as if we both know this will be the last time.

I pull back, my eyes filled with tears. I jump down out of the vehicle, do not break down Shailene.

"Shai, where are you going?" A tear falls from Theo's eye.

"I'll see you soon. I will always love you." I wipe my tears.

"I will too. I promise Shai." Theo says in a hush tone and with that, I get into my car and drive away. It will only be two months, I'll be back in July.

They say if you love something, then let it go. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours.

That's exactly what I did, only time will tell what's mine.

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AN❤️: Happy Friday!! I'm not sure if I liked this chapter, I felt as if it's sloppy but it's great at the same time. Hope everyone enjoyed and thank you all for feedback. Feel free to leave comments telling me how you feel! I'll respond to any questions or comments❤️