You told me to give my best in everything I do.
And I did.
You said that as long as I did my best, I'd get the results I want.
But you lied to me.
No matter how hard I try, I kept messing up.
Nothing went the way I want it to be.
Seeing me struggle, the world made fun of me due to my wasted effort.
I kept climbing that unreachable mountain until my legs bled
Not knowing that I was meant to swim the deepest ocean.
They insisted,
"Try again"
"You're not giving your best"
"You can do better than that"
"Stop being lazy"
"Do better than your best"
"Break through your limit"
It was supposed to be encouraging words that'll make me do better
No, that's not it.
It was mere pressure that gave me anxiety and stress.
I gave all my best but that wasn't enough for them. It was my limit.
No matter much you told me to persevere, my mind's about to break.
I recalled the math exam I took that everyone solved but I couldn't.
The history exam that everyone memorized but I couldn't
And all the other thing that everyone can do but I couldn't.
The only thing I can do is write.
Writing down my notes, thoughts, and imagination.
Copying the lecture, creating essays, thesis and so on.
My handwriting wasn't pretty, neat or beautiful but I liked writing.
I could do whatever I want, and I can say everything confidently.
When I changed the course of my path, people looked at my direction and asked, "why?"
They already gave me my answer when I saw the look on their faces.
It was faces filled of disappointment, doubt, pity, and belittlement.
But that's fine.
Their whispers, and eyes that watch my every move won't affect me anymore.
You told me to do the things I love so I will.
I wish you won't hate me and call me a quitter or a coward for changing paths.
Someday when we meet again, please tell me that I did my best so until then please smile and keep supporting me.
