I am a gloomy, meek, pathetic, and useless girl.
Well, that's who I came to be.
I'm in a dark closed room and I heard someone's loud commanding voice asking me, " Why did you kill her? " It was a simple question that shook my whole being. Maybe it was out of fear, pressure, panic, and a little bit of anger. All I know is that strong emotions came surging through inside of me.
My vision turned black, and everything around me was spinning. I was reminded of the bitter past, that I keep forcing myself to forget. It wasn't traumatizing, however, it was a painful memory.
When I awoke, I saw myself back in the days when everything was full of rainbow and colors. It was such a happy memory, just why did it have to be this way!? You painted it all in black and ruined the masterpiece that took me such great effort to build then you ask me why did it become a disaster!!?
I was a lively beautiful child who had confidence and trust with myself. I was a generous and benevolent person. How unfortunate that none of it lasted long. You stripped and took it all away from me, then you blame me!
Why do people have to be this way?? Why do they have to belittle others, step on their pride and diminish their worth? Is it to make themselves feel better because someone is lower than them? Or is it because you have to prove yourselves better than those people?
You stepped on me as if I was a mere insect on the ground battling to live and gain your approval but you didn't even bat an eye. I realized too late that you thought so little of me and that I didn't need to earn your approval to have worth so I killed her.
Yes, I did!
I was the murderer. I KILLED HER!! I used my very own hands to end her life.
In fact, you don't even know who I killed, right? You just want me to take the blame so you could SHAME me even further and claim that you are so much of a better person than I do!
Well? Are you happy now!?
Go on, brag and show to the whole world who I killed.
The person who was so happy, innocent, naive and ignorant of the world. She, who showed love to you, and the world who kept on rejecting her. She who accepted you when no one else did.
I killed her.
Do you know who it was?
IT WAS ME!!!
I murdered the past me.
No, don't misunderstand. I didn't do it for you. I did it for me because I know that if I let her live, she'll suffer and continue to live in pain. If I don't kill her then we'll die and both cease to exist together. She wouldn't be able to survive and exist in this cruel rotten world.
Just think of it. How many people like you are out there waiting to crush and step upon to people like me. I had to do it either way.
Now you ask me, why did you kill her?
How dare you! You forced me and drove me into a corner where I had no choice to escape. I have to sacrifice something within me, in order to live. You knew that I had no choice! You still did it.
You say...
"Where did the old you go?"
"What happened to you?"
"You were so much better than this."
Don't worry, I know that better than you do.
The, me right now is the product of your selfishness and pride.
You shame me of my wrongdoings and everything that went wrong will be blamed on me. Just because you said so. Everything you say will always be right, all power and authority are placed on you.
You scream and shout at me for every mistake I make and throw all your frustrations at me, then you wonder why am I so quiet? You throw all my insecurities right in front of my face and laugh at it. You laugh at me for being weak, pathetic and useless. Did it make you happy?
I was the one who murdered me but never forget that it was you cornered me and left me no choice.
