I awoke in the same bed, same room, and same state.
Nothing changed in the last 10 years.
The only thing that would ever change is my roommate.
Some lasted for 3 years, others for 3 months, and the unfortunate ones only get 3 days.
It was a daily occurrence in this house of mine so I'm not surprised.
In the first year that I started living here, I felt sad and lonely because everyone ends up leaving.
I would hear screams, cries, groans and pleas for help outside.
I never saw what was out there but I knew that it was scary and horrifying.
At first, I was scared that one day I'll end up leaving this place too but I never did.
The house wouldn't let me leave.
I asked, "Why can't I leave?"
"You don't deserve to leave."
That's when I realized that this place will never let me leave.
I tried escaping several times but I was always caught.
They'd punish me cruelly but just enough for me to live and breathe.
It hurts so mucch but they won't help me nor treat me.
They would just silently stare with their empty eyes as they watch me suffer.
Some would snicker, others would scorn while some would torture me more.
I've thought about it a million times but maybe, the outside is just as scary as it was in here.
What's scarier?
Is it inside where I'm trapped and forced to suffer for the rest of my life?
Or is it outside that I fight alongside someone for something I don't even know?
Isn't it better to be outside with someone who will fight alongside you rather than to be stuck alone dealing with this pain?
Once more, I tried to escape, however, the warden whispered to me as if he just read my mind and said, "Is it really beter outside? When you know nothing of the outside world? What if the person alongside you decided to betray you? What if the world was worse than you've thought?
What if you find yourself alone in the middle of nowhere? Isn't better to be stuck in one place alone rather than wander the world with no one to be with?"
That question made me paused to rethink if I was making the right choice.
But he managed to persuade.
I wanted to escape for a very long time but somehow I didn't.
I stayed in the tiny space once more.
One day, the warden came and said, "It's time for you to go."
I never would have thought for him to say that.
My mind was so confused but I felt ecstatic to be finally released.
As I took the step to go outside, what welcomed me was men that have guns pointed at me.
Half of their faces was covered in masks.
It was just a step outside and I didn't even manage to walk 1 meter.
What I thought of the outside world was completely different.
One of the armed men smirked as they pointed their guns at me
The warden shouted
"Ready!
Aim!
Fireee!"
I felt all the bullets piercing me as my body went numb and wobbly.
As the bullets hit my body, I remember the regrets I had.
That day when I could have escaped but I didn't.
Or that time I had a fight with my roomate not knowing that would be his last day.
Or maybe I regretted it when I gave in to all these pain and suffering.
I remeber all the things I've done, things I could've done and the wrong things I did.
The warden went near at my cold body and whispered,
"I told you, didn't I? Hell awaits you on the outside."
That may be true but I felt relieved because all the pain will finally stop.
I may have died but I was finally free.
As my body collapsed, I lied down to my puddle of blood mixed with tears.
Things were slowly getting blurry as I saw the afterimage of my roomates waving at me.
"Wait! I'm going there soon so hang on just a little longer and let me close my eyes."
