A long time ago, I had a friend someone whom I treasure and loved so deeply. She was a very special friend for the only friend I had before, was her. She was my very first friend. I thought that she will also be my last however I cause her sorrow, because of my stupid and foolish mistake. As we grow, our distance also grew apart. I can't come near her, I was terrified that I'll hurt her again even though I was dissatisfied because I'm not able to talk to her anymore and I didn't even get a chance to apologize.
My cowardice caused me to build a wall and to be alone. I wanted to have friend but I'm scared to hurt somebody again. I don't want to cause anybody trouble so I stayed away and push people who try to befriend me. I don't wanna repeat my mistakes so I ran away.
Every time I desperately wanted someone to be there by my side, I constantly remind myself never to get near because they'll only suffer to be with me. I despised myself for being hopeful, and selfish for wanting to cross my limit.
My head was filled with thoughts of the past.
One day, I saw my little brother banging his head at the wall. There was a little bit of blood dropping out so I immediately stopped him.
When he calmed down I asked him, "Why hurt yourself? Why do something so stupid and foolish? You don't gain anything by doing that so why?" My 6-year-old little brother paused to smile and look at me.
He replied," Its a way to punish myself, to remind myself that I shouldn't do anything wrong again." The moment he said that a tear fell down. It was an unexpected answer from a 6-year-old. It looked ridiculous whenever he would punch or slap himself but when I hear him say that I was reminded of myself. I was doing the exact same thing. I wasn't physically hurting myself like he does but I was mentally and emotionally poisoning myself.
No one told us to hurt ourselves yet we do foolish things to relieve ourselves from the guilt we are feeling in order to satisfy our unrest guilt. There wasn't any need to torture and hurt yourself. What happened was done, we can't rewind time and erase our mistakes, however, we can repent not by feeling guilty, but rather by recognizing the things we've done, accepting what happened and learn from it.
If you're asking what you should do to repent then smile.
You'll be left behind if you stay stuck at the past sulking about something that had already happened.
Prove them that you've changed and become a better person.
By smiling, we have accepted our fate, and learn from the harsh and painful lessons of our mistake.
Mistakes will happen as long as we live because we're born to have flaws. God made us that way so he will see how we deal with it. It's nothing to be ashamed of so...
Smile and move forward.
